Thank you all for your comments, replies, and posts. While this truly is the most painful of times I've had in my short life, it helps me tremendously to know that I am surrounded by those who love me and are praying for me.
To my dear friend, Emily, thank you! I have always loved being around your luminous personality full of joy and hope! I will try that list making and do as you do each day. Gardenia, your comment, as well as the response of other women I know has made me realize that this experience is not so uncommon as one would think. It's just so difficult. Peter and I were literally 10 days away from our wedding day when all of this happened. It still makes no sense. What a grace that you have never experienced anger toward the person that hurt you. My feelings are all mixed up, between anger, love, heartache, etc. I'm glad to know from others' experiences, such as your own, that the prospects of a marriage are not out the window.
And Julian and Agatha, you two are awesome. I love you. Agatha, I've always wanted to be closer to St. Joseph than I am, and now is the opportunity. I used to be in the habit of praying for my future spouse all the time - then I met Peter, and I thought the prayer had been answered. I don't know why I stopped praying that prayer, but I'll be sure to offer up my novena for that and a myriad of other intentions - including for all of you. Julian, your words are an inspiration from the Holy Spirit. They are all that I needed to hear in a way I never thought. Thank you.
And to my dear friend who called me today after reading my post. Thank you. Your message made me laugh and smile. I needed that, and I need to talk to you too. And I will. The days go up and down, the emotions do too. Prayers are helping me, and I certainly don't want to wallow in my pity party.
I have been fortunate enough to have the friendship of a wonderful priest who was to marry Peter and I. Before I moved back home, I met with this priest and he recommended that I read a book by Fr. Joseph Langford on Mother Teresa called Mother Teresa's Secret Fire. It has been a tremendous comfort to me - and I would recommend it to all of you. It is perfect especially during Lent. Fr. Langford expounds upon the deep theological meaning of Christ's last words on the Cross: "I thirst" as God's profound thirst to love us and be loved by us. I'll close this post with a quote from the book. The quote comes from Mother Teresa's Varanasi Letter:
Why does Jesus say "I thirst?" What does it mean? Something so hard to explain in words--if you remember anything from Mother's letter remember this -- "I thirst" is something much deeper than Jesus saying "I love you." Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you -- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him." p. 56, Lanford
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Edith, two dear friends gave me the St. Anne holy card with her novena on back. I think there are a couple different novenas, so I'll write out which one it was. (I left this in a comment for Julian a while back too). My dear friends, considerably older than me and whom I met on a pilgrimage to Lourdes, asked me, haven't you ever heard, "St. Anne, St. Anne, gind me a man."? I hadn't, and perhaps it was a tradition of sort when my friends were in high school decades ago. Well, I prayed the novena, and 21 days later I met the man who would become my husband. it is a miracle I am absolutely sure, for at the time I was in my early forties and had yet to marry and thought perhaps my fervent prayer all those years would not be granted, even though I felt my vocation was to marry and have children. And, btw, my dear husband and I adopted a child after our marriage, and now I am on the path daily to fulfilling my vocation. Not to say that you are ready to delve into identifying the man truly ordained for you, at this time, but here is the novena: Oh Glorious St. Anne, filled with compassion for those who invoke thee, and with love for those who suffer, heavily laden with the weight of my troucbles I cast myself at thy feet and humbly beg thee to take the present affair which I recommend to thee under they special protection. Vouchsafe to recommend it to thy daughter, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and lay it before the throne of Jesus so that He may bring it to a happy issue. Cease not to intercede for me until my request is granted. Above all, obtain for me the grace of one day beholding my God face to face, and with thee and Mary and all the Saints, praising and blessing Him to all eternity. Good St. Anne, mother of she who is our life, our sweetness, and our hope, pray for me to the Lord, Our God. Amen.
that sould be "find me a man."
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