Yes, Humility IS a Virtue

"Pride goeth before destruction: and the spirit is lifted up before a fall." From Proverbs, chapter 16 verse 18. Pride is a funny little vice. It's one we all struggle with, even when we don't realize it. Just recently, I have realized that I was not realizing how prideful I have been! (Does that make sense...?) Or, to put it simply, I have been praying for an increase in humility, and God has answered by showing to me just how prideful I have been since I have been wallowing in myself pity.

So what can I do to remedy this situation? I think I need to remind myself to love all those who are around, starting with the closest ones. I try to remember just to smile, sincerely smile at people and say hello to them. A girl in high school once said in front of many student that my smile could make anyone's bad day melt. (I say this NOT to be prideful!! All beauty, well everything is a gift from God.) Whenever I have a down moment, I remember those words, because they encourage me to be more loving. I would like to start volunteering with the Missionaries of Charity again. I used to do so when I lived in the South, and I just fell in love with those sisters. I also had the privilege of venerating Mother Teresa's relics a couple weeks ago when they came to a local parish that houses her sisters. While there, I of course didn't feel anything, but I did ask her to pray for me as I touched my rosary made of Job's Tears to the one made of the same material that she used to pray every day. I think her intercession has opened up an avenue of light, peace, and grace to reach me.

So for now, I'll ask her to help me overcome my weaknesses and help me continue to become more humble. In the meantime, I'll reflect on her advice to me and to all of us: "Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness." Bl. Mother Teresa

Wisdom From Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners:

I'm a recent college graduate in my mid-20s. I make a modest but comfortable salary and have been supporting myself since I finished school.

As a fairly "new" adult, I have repeatedly found myself in situations where I feel I am in awkward limbo between young person and equal, uncertain how to behave.

For example, when dining out with people in my parents' generation (friends' parents, my superiors at work, etc.), I am never sure whether I should offer to pay or cover the tip. I don't want to act like a spoiled child, but I also don't want to offend anyone by presuming to be their equal when I've only just started out in my career and adult life. I certainly don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Could you please offer some advice on how a young adult such as myself should act in the company of older acquaintances and colleagues? I am at a loss.

Gentle Reader:

On the contrary. You have already accomplished the most difficult part of this transition: recognizing that you are an adult.

Many people never do, Miss Manners regrets to observe. There seem to be a lot of overaged spoiled children around, who feel forever exempt from reciprocating the generosity of their elders.

With your superiors at work, the key question is whether they are taking you out on an expense account to discuss work, in which case you owe only thanks. If not, you pay your own share.

Check-grabbing contests with your friends' parents and other social contacts are not graceful. What would be graceful would be to issue an occasional invitation to those who have entertained you. That it will not be in the same style is unimportant -- they will be immensely flattered at the sign that you enjoy their company, not just the meals they provide. Do it within your own price range -- perhaps for a drink, or tea, or brunch at your place.

If that is impossible, alternative forms of reciprocation could be occasionally bringing a small present, such as a book or DVD you think they might enjoy, or insisting on helping them with a problem they happen to mention (with a computer or new cellphone, or gardening or taxes -- whatever you can do that they admit is driving them crazy).

(From this week's column)

I love Miss Manner's answer here; it seems to strike exactly the right note. I have often found myself in a similar situation. It's hard enough to deal with the check when you're out to dinner with peers, let alone when you're out with friends parents, or colleagues, etc. I always make an effort to read the signs--do they grab the check and take care of it without a second glance? (Even bosses have done this, on numerous occasions, and I always wished I could reciprocate!) So then I am gracious and grateful.

But I especially love her final point. Even if you can't actually reciprocate, send a note of thanks, or a little gift. It never hurts to send something along saying "This reminded me of you." Graciousness ought to be at the top of a woman's virtues.

Woman Warrior of the Month: St. Monica, Part 2

(I wanted to title the post "Locksmiths are expensive, or: My goodness, I wish I had St. Monica's Patience." but I went with the more prosaic title above. It's probably for the best. Anyway...)

Continuing our Women Warrior of the Month series, in Septmeber we are honoring St. Monica. And I certainly was glad for her advocacy last night.

You see...I've been borrowing a friend's car while she's home taking care of her family. And I had to pop out to the store to get some munchies for a dinner party Julian and I are going to tonight. I was lazy. I drove. And then I locked myself out of the car.

3 hours, 15 calls to the locksmith, and $179.00 later, I was heading home. Instead of checking off all the things on my to-do list (including writing an eloquent and delightful post about St. Monica) I had sat on the street for so long the ants and crickets thought I was part of the scenery (and welcomed me heartily to the neighborhood).

But as I sat there, remarkably, I didn't fret. $179 (that I could have used for the furniture that my bed room so badly needs!) wasted--but what could I do; it's only money. 3 hours flying by, but what could I do; it's only time. I said a prayer for St. Monica--ever patient--and sat and waited.

I know. Waiting for a locksmith is nothing compared to waiting for your son to quit galavanting around, stealing pears, courting women, and picking new philosophies every few years. But who could possibly endure that trial without the grace to endure every little matter that comes in front of you in day to day life. St. Monica had both a difficult marriage, and a difficult motherhood, but she endured it all with patience, and her time of waiting bore great fruit.

St. Monica: thanks for helping me to be patient last night. Give me the courage to face each new obstacle with patience and prudence, and to both look for God's will,a nd hope for the time when I shall know why each trial has been given to me.


St. Monica, pray for us!

Woman Warrior of the Month Column

A few weeks ago, I was at the Campus Catholic Center at my university chatting a with a friend about a book I had lent her -- Led by Faith by Immaculée Ilibagiza. "This book is so incredible, Edith. Immaculée is such a woman warrior. I would give her a bow and arrow!" I replied, "Great, I am so glad you liked it!! I hope that I have the courage to be a woman warrior one day!" And she said, "Oh Edith, in my book, you already are. I'd give you a bow and arrow any day!" Which blew me away, because indeed my friend is one of the most luminous, strong, and beautiful women I know!!

But this conversation gave rise to a thought -- Have you ever read a story about a woman -- maybe a story of one of the saints, or woman in our contemporary time -- and were just amazed at her strength and courage? These are the women who have endured life's most difficult trials, or women who are paving the way for us to embrace an authentic femininity, or women who just exemplify something so beautiful, we just don't know how to put it into words.

Well, I am introducing to you our monthly (or maybe even weekly) posts featuring just such a woman. Now, we've done it in little ways all along, with posts about Adrienne Von Speyr, Sophie Scholl, and St. Agatha just to name a few. But I think we need to dedicate something on this blog regularly, because we need to know about women who demonstrate true femininity in order to become those women. After all, doesn't virtue come first through imitation? (Thank you, Aristotle.)

Our first Woman Warrior column will debut on June 1, so stay tuned! And readers, please give us your thoughts! Tell us about the women warriors you have touched your life!

On Celibacy

Most of you probably know about Human Life International, and it's president, Rev. Thomas J. Euteneuer. They do amazing work, and if you don't, please take a moment to check them out.

Fr. Euteneuer also writes a weekly column which he send to the HLI mailing list, and I wanted to point out to you this week's excellent commentary on Celibacy.

Number One: Celibacy is a gift to the world, not a rule imposed by the Church on a few seemingly-abnormal men. Celibacy initiates men into a life of spiritual fatherhood in a strikingly positive way for others. We are called “father” for a reason: we bring spiritual life to our people through the sacred mysteries which we handle, and they are drawn into a spiritual family thereby. A truly dedicated priest has thousands of spiritual children who sometimes make immense demands on him—I often wish I had only seven children like my father! In an age where men have massively renounced their sacred duty to generate, protect and nurture families, there are myriads of selfless, celibate men sacrificing themselves in a truly manly way for the sake of God’s family and, indeed, even for the sake of many individual families.

...Number two: Celibacy is the personal renunciation of the legitimate goods of marriage and family as a fruitful sacrifice for the kingdom of God. The astonishment of this generation that a perfectly normal, red-blooded male could make that particular sacrifice is exactly the point of celibacy. The world needs to know that there are some men walking around who are not bound either by the expectations of society or by the terms of our fleshly human nature. They are bound by only one concern; that of a kingdom that is not of this world, and they are willing to sacrifice everything for it. The presence in society of men who make this sacrifice is profoundly challenging to a culture that wants to reduce everything in life to the pleasure principle...

For the full article, click here, and to subscribe to Fr. Eutenuer's Spirit & Life newsletter, click here.

Quarter Life Crisis??

Have you ever heard of the quarter life crisis?? You know, the one you start when you are graduating college and trying to figure what in the world you are supposed to do with your life?? Well, I started mine just shy of my 25th birthday (so a little over a year ago -- I'm on the cusp of 26 by about 33 hours!)

At that time, I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to devote my dissertation topic to, something that a year later I am still working through. I fell in love, and I mean IN LOVE with a man who said he couldn't date me, but still hung out with me all the time. And I was suddenly confronted with just the truth about everything I had done in my life. I was face to face with all that I had sown, and I had to ask what did I sow? Have I sown good or evil? I was face to face with everything in me that is flawed. And I began to realize the ramifications of my flaws on other people in my life. I began to see how failed relationships had been largely my fault, how I hadn't maintained communication with people who meant something to me, how I hadn't set the proper limits to relationships or had severely limited my relationships with others. I knew I had to change, but I became so down on myself that I just was in a...well...crisis. I felt like God didn't care, He probably didn't hear me or understand--which is totally bizarre because my strong faith background has taught me the opposite. So why did I feel this way?

And then, I started dating that man I fell IN LOVE with, and we are still dating. And I thought maybe my crisis would work itself out. And to some degree it has. I don't think I'm in my quarter life crisis anymore, but I have been having some 'life crises' that have rehashed some of those same struggles. That's why, my sisters, I've been remarkably absent from the blog.

I'm getting through it and I know that my struggles are good, but the crisis is not of God. I've resolved to consider this time a period of growing pains. It's not easy to realize and to confront your habituated character flaws. Moreover, you feel so overwhelmed and consumed by them. You actually get mad at God for making you this way!!! And even moreover, you begin to feel like you are just utterly unlovable. (Or at least, I did). But I went to confession recently and was unleashing my anguish to this very old Polish priest (who personally knew JPII). He said in a thick but absolutely beautiful Polish accent and with a joyful tone, "Maybe you just need to ask Jesus to share this load. That's all He wants to do."

Wow. How simple. I thought, "Yeah, maybe that really is all He asks of me." Maybe the answer to my 10,000 kinds of crazy complication is really just to give it to Jesus and trust that He loves me. I think I got my answer in a passage from Pope Benedict XVI's recent book Jesus of Nazareth . He has a section on the meaning of the Gospel message regarding the Kingdom of God. He gives several interpretations, but this one resonated with me. He quotes ancient Church writer Origen's mystical interpretation of the Kingdom of God:

For in every holy man it is God who reigns [exercises dominion, is the Kingdom of God.]. . . Then let God stroll in in us as in a spiritual paradise and rule in us alone with his Christ." (Jesus of Nazareth, p. 50)

So simple, but what an idea upon which we should meditate!!

The Honorable Thing to Do

It's old news now, but, Bristol Palin and her highschool boyfriend/father of her child Levi Johnston have called off their engagement. The really cynical part of me (along with many others) says "typical--they were only engaged for political reasons anyway."

This thought nagged at me, and I soon began to realize why.

There was a time (I hate nostalgia, but here I go) when a man who got a woman pregnant had to do the honorable thing, and marry her. There were plenty of forces, social, moral, familial, that encouraged and even bound the will of young couple to beocme married thought they may not have been a perfect fit. But in those days there was a sense that doing the honorable thing would not only make you a better man, but would likely make you happy as well.

Let's change the scenario, and say McCain and Palin had won the White House. Would Bristol and Levi still be together? Probably--and for those base political reasons, no doubt. But maybe, if handled properly, they would be a witness to the honest truth that doing the right thing makes you a better person.

In the American Middle class it is easier than ever to raise a child on your own, and there are no longer the social stigmas of such an action. But in loosing those social stigmas we have also lost an opportunity for boys to do well, recognize the consequences of their actions, and become better men.

I don't know why Bristol and Levi broke up, and frankly, I don't care. But I do wish there was a stronger sense both in the media, and in our lives, that choices have consequences, and that it is good to do right. That's where real manliness lies.

On the Virtue of Temperance

I've been on a 'virtue' kick lately -- probably as a result of immersing myself in the ancient political philosophy of Plato and Aristotle these past few months. I thought I'd meditate on the virtue of temperance today, especially since we all had to practice it on Ash Wednesday as we observed the fast (and I don't know about you all, but I certainly struggle with it!!) After all, temperance is the moral virtue that keeps our desire for the bodily goods in check. How easy it is to indulge in good things, to rejoice in the goodness of the created world that God has given to us.

According to St. Thomas Aquinas in his Summa Theologica, we naturally desire those things that are good for us and seem good to us. So why do we need temperance? Well, I'd like to consider this question by using a meditation on Christ's temptation in the desert by Father Thomas Rosica.

As you know, before Christ began his public ministry, he was tempted by Satan in the desert -- tempted to change stones into bread to satisfy his hunger, tempted to worship the evil one in exchange for power, and tempted to prove the Father's love for Him by casting Himself off the side of a mountain to see if God will send His angels to save Him. Each one of these temptations Christ overcomes through His faithfulness. So, what does this have to do with temperance??

Well, temperance is that moral virtue which gets us to curb our appetites. Now that's easy, we curb our appetites for food, drink, sex, etc. But consider the ways in which our appetites get in the way of our spiritual life. Consider how our spiritual lives can suffer if we are too busy inundating our lives with material things. Father Rosica writes:

"When and how do I find moments of contemplation in the midst of a busy life? How have I lived in the midst of my own deserts? Have I been courageous and persistent in fighting with the demons? How have I resisted transforming my own deserts into places of abundant life? "

Isn't that part of the purpose of temperance? That is, to turn those desert moments of our lives into an opportunity for grace, to allow God to give us His life more abundantly? Temperance disciplines us to put material goods in their proper place. And isn't so easy for women to get hung up on material goods? We love to decorate, shop, look fabulous, and give our surroundings that 'woman's touch.' And that's what I love about being a woman, but it so easily can dominate our lives and turn us away from God. Consider what Father Rosica says about the first temptation of Christ:

In the first temptation in the desert, Jesus responds to the evil one, not by denying human dependence on sustenance (food), but rather by putting human life and the human journey in perspective. Those who follow Jesus cannot become dependent on the things of this world. When we are so dependent on material things, and not on God, we give in to temptation and sin.

Temperance teaches us not to be dependent on material things and trains our minds and hearts to turn to God. Through it we realize as Father Rosica says, "that we must have some spiritual space in our lives where we can strip away the false things that cling to us and breathe new life into our dreams and begin again." That's what practicing temperance is all about, and that's what Lent allows us to do. Temperance prepares us to depend on God for our all, even in those moments we are tempted to despair. For in the midst of the desert, Father Rosica writes, we can "open our hearts to Him and allow Him to make our own deserts bloom."

On the Virtue of Courage

I just read a great news article on the Bishop of Scranton, PA, who has threatened to close down St. Patrick's day celebrations if any pro-abortion 'Catholic' political officials are honored at the celebrations. Awesome. Be sure to check out the story. How we need such courageous bishops, who are not moved by concern for human respect but instead unwaveringly stand up for the truth.

Anyway, it inspired me to reflect on the virtue of courage. Courage is typically considered a manly virtue, not one that we women should readily exhibit. But we know that's wrong. To that effect, if you get the chance -- I must recommend the recent German film Sophie Scholl: Die Letzen Tage (Sophie Scholl: The Last Days). Sophie Scholl was a student in Nazi Germany who, along with her brother Hans and several other students began the resistance movement the White Rose Society. They were murdered by guillotine by the Nazis on February 22, 1943. Tomorrow is the anniversary of their death... Wow, the film was so powerful and was based upon recently discovered interviews Sophie had with her Nazi interrogators. She was so brave, and I hope that she will inspire me with some of her courage to take up the fight for human dignity that she begun under the Nazis.

Anyway, on the virtue of courage. As you know, it is one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit conferred upon us at the Sacrament of Confirmation. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines courage as "the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good. It strengthens the resolve to resist temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life." It is the virtue that enables us to conquer all fears, even the fear of death. Courage gives us the strength to heed our Lord's words and "pick up our Cross and follow Him."

Our church is full of some of the most fantastic women of courage! St. Edith Stein, St. Agatha, St. Cecelia, St. Agnes, Bl. Mother Teresa, and the list goes on and on. In some ways, I think feminine courage is even more beautiful than the masculine display of this virtue. Courageous women reveal Christ in a unique way to the world. It takes courage to trust in the Lord in all that we do. We must be brave, we must be willing to face so many obstacles when we seek to do God's will. But we do practice courage, we seek to do God's will because we love Him. And as St. Edith Stein, one of the most courageous women I know of, says, "No spiritual work comes into the world without great suffering. It always challenges the whole person".