"Dear friends..."

"Dear friends, may no adversity paralyze you. Be neither afraid of the world, nor of the future, nor of your weakness." -- The Holy Father on Saturday, August 20, 2011.

As I wrote before, I had the privilege and blessing of attending World Youth Day, or Jornada Mundial de la Juventud, in Madrid, Spain. When I was there I was aware that it was a privilege and blessing, although the fruits for my own life seemed far from evident. Along with three colleagues and friends, I was responsible for the safety of 26 of our school's best, brightest, and most beautiful girls. I knew it was going to be a window into parenthood in the first few hours: flying passports, scattered medications, queasiness, uneasiness, and forgetfulness were abounding. This is all of course not to mention the spiritual questions that were directed to us: Why should I believe in this Jesus Christ? What if I doubt God's love? How do you know your vocation? Why is there so much suffering? And of course, there were constant fears on my behalf: Are we safe? Is anyone being pickpocketed? Is this girl going to pass out? Is another Italian teenage boy going to try to kiss my dear student?

At one point I turned to our school's priest and my dear friend and said, "Are you praying for me? I'm praying for you." And he said, "Dear, this whole trip is the prayer. The getting up early, the walking, the exhaustion." And that was enough for me to table any plan to have a spiritual experience of my own.

And yet, in His goodness, the Lord gave me a beautiful experience on Saturday night. The Vigil with the Holy Father was ushered in by a massive wind storm that kicked up dust in our eyes. Lightning threatened us every 30 seconds. Rain came in torrents. And yet, the Holy Father continued on, and gave us 20 minutes or so of adoration. In the chaos of the storm, in the sea of 2 million people, the airfield went quiet. And though I only had about 60 seconds to adore Our Lord until someone needed something, I was able to be present to the Lord and He to me, as if we were the only two people there. As the Holy Father urged us to not be afraid of those three things mentioned above -- the world, my fears, and my weaknesses -- I felt that God was speaking directly to my heart. In a moment when all was stormy outside and even inside, all went calm. I have never experienced such a communion before. And I don't know if I will again. But that 60 seconds was more than enough. And its graces are producing bushels of fruit in my life right now, and I'm sure that will continue to in the months to come.

I hope that you, readers, are experiencing graces, as I offered the chaos up for you!

We Wish You...

...A Blessed Triduum. May you and your loved ones know the love of Christ more deeply at this time.

Prayer Request

Will you kindly pray for my father? He has to have surgery soon. I sincerely appreciate it!

Blessings,

Julian

Archbishop Dolan is a Rockstar!

Check out this great video clip of the archbishop. What a gift to us!!!

Work, work, work!

These last few days of work before Christmas are, sometimes, utter agony. Everyone around me is wishing me a Merry Christmas, and I feel like a scrouge, because I have to spend 20 of the next 52 hours in the office getting a ton of work done. This then, is keeping me inline:

You have recieved God's call to a specific way: it is to be at all the crossroads of the world, while remaining all the while, and as you carry out your professional work, in God.
--Jose Maria Escriva, #748, The Forge

It's not Christmas yet. These next few days will be the intense, expectant, hard-working days of Advent. And when I arrive home, I'll rejoice. But first: to work.

Why, Jesus, Why?

This is a prayer I have oft repeated this year and will probably continue to repeat for my entire life. Like today, I prayed: Why, Jesus, why are so many children left feeling unloved and torn down by those who should love them unconditionally? Why, Jesus, why do some children feel they need to earn the love of their parents? And why, Jesus, why do those children try to fill their hurt with meaningless sex at such a young age and damage their souls so deeply? Why, Jesus, why?

Pray for those children, readers. They walk next to you and they need to know they are so very loved. Love them.

A Prayer for Advent from the Holy Father

Domenico Beccafumi (1545)

This basically covers everything:

Lord Jesus,
You who faithfully visit and fulfill with your Presence
the Church and the history of men;
You who in the miraculous Sacrament of your Body and Blood
render us participants in divine Life
and allow us a foretaste of the joy of eternal Life;
We adore and bless you.

Prostrated before You, source and lover of Life,
truly present and alive among us, we beg you:

Reawaken in us respect for every unborn life,
make us capable of seeing in the fruit of a mother's womb
the miraculous work of the Creator,
open our hearts to generously welcoming every child
that comes into life.

Bless all families,
sanctify the union of spouses,
make fruitful their love.

Accompany the choices of legislative assemblies
with the light of your Spirit,
so that peoples and nations may recognise and respect
the sacred nature of life, of every human life.

Guide the work of scientists and doctors,
so that all progress contributes to the integral well-being of the person,
and no one endures suppression or injustice.

Gift creative charity to administrators and economists,
so they may realise and promote sufficient conditions
so that young families can serenely embrace
the birth of new children

Console married couples who suffer
because they are unable to have children
and in Your goodness provide for them.

Teach us all to care for orphaned or abandoned children,
so they may experience the warmth of your Love,
the consolation of your divine Heart.

Together with Mary, Your Mother, the great believer,
in whose womb you took on our human nature,
we wait to receive from You, our Only True Good and Savior,
the strength to love and serve life,
in anticipation of living forever in You,
in communion with the Blessed Trinity.
Amen.

A Little Aspiration

Sometimes I'm in need of little aspirations to pray throughout the day. I also tape them to my podium at school to remind me of why I do what I do. This past Sunday, the last line of the Gospel might as well have been introduced by a loud clashing of cymbals or a bang of a gong:

"By your perseverance, you will save your lives." --Luke 21:19

I felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying directly to me, "Keep going in your work. Keep persevering in your waiting on your vocation. Give me the small details of the day, the mundane aspects of your routine, because they matter to me."

Monday's Mass was no less direct:

"When he [the blind man] came near, Jesus asked him, 'What do you want me to do for you?'" --Luke 18:35-43

Could Jesus really be asking this of me, too? I felt comfort in approaching my Lord with petitions deepest on my heart (something I struggle with). I suppose my prayer is similar to that of the man -- "Lord, let me see."

I hope you, too, find your prayers to ask and the answers to them in the Word this very day.

A Mighty Fortress is our God, a Bulwark never Failing

A Mighty Fortress is Our God is one of my favorite German hymns, written by none other than my favorite German Protestant, Martin Luther. Well, I take that back. My favorite German Protestant is actually Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I don't actually like Luther too much, but I do like his hymns! So despite that fact that he created a serious rift in the Church and gave us some theology so poor that we are still divided over it, I am sure his fabulous hymns must have earned Luther some brownie points with God.

But this is not about Luther or Bonhoeffer for that matter; it is about God - who is a mighty fortress indeed. He showed that to me this week in several ways that I thought I'd just share with you all. First, I found out last week that a paper proposal that I submitted to a major national conference in my discipline got accepted! I have made proposals similar to this before, and each time they have been rejected. The only conference participation I have on my resume is one joint paper and discussion leader. Kind of sparse for someone who wants her job to be giving lectures and writing. So I dove in with wild abandon, because I have been dragging my feet on my academic life! But please keep me in your prayers!

Second, I also got a teaching opportunity at a local university for next spring! Just one class, so it's not too demanding but still gets me into the classroom! YAY!

Third, I have been feeling so...just blah...in my prayer life and as a result I have been going to confession every week just to get some spiritual direction (and to confess, of course) but I already kind of know the answers. But God has given me people in my life who are wonderful examples (like my Magdalene Sisters and my family!) who have been placed amongst my new and old acquaintances who have really expressed answers to my prayers in a powerful way this week.

One is my new friend Kelsea* She is a supernumerary at Opus Dei and is such a prayerful, lovely young woman who has re-revealed to me in a powerful the way God communicates with us through prayer and does so especially for those who trust in him. Kelsea comes to Him in prayer with everything in her life, and even though she struggles with worry and doubt sometimes (don't we all), she ultimately just lets go and lets God have control of her heart, mind, will, and life. I think it's awesome and I am so glad God hit me over the head this past week with the witness she (unknowingly) gave to me.

A second example is an old friend of mine from Louisiana - and we'll call him Mr. Boudreaux*. I met Mr. Boudreaux when I was helping out with RCIA at my old parish in Baton Rouge. I loved doing this, but soon kind of drifted away from that parish to a new one after I met Peter...the new parish was one that he liked better...just another way he sought to isolate me from those who really loved me. Mr. Boudreaux would call me just to say hi and I'd say it's been probably about a year or so since I have seen him or heard from him. Today, out of the blue I got a call from him. He said he was just thinking of me and wanted to know how I was doing. He also told me that the right man was waiting for me - and was coming very soon. He told me to start praying to St. Philomena for this intention and he felt God would answer me right away. What I have not told you is that just this afternoon, I was contemplating whether to pray a novena to jump start my prayer life. God answered me immediately after I left work.

So, see, God is a mighty fortress, always there for us and waiting to give us answers when we call. And even He is even waiting to give answers to people like me, who probably doesn't call on Him as often as she should.



*Names have been changed for privacy

"Lord, Increase Our Faith"

Today's Gospel shows us the apostles asking the Lord to "increase their faith." I can just see them, imploring Jesus to work this miracle in their hearts. Perhaps it is because it the prayer, or aspiration, that is most on my lips these days. Lord, increase my faith. Increase my faith in this time of waiting. Increase my faith in the uncertainty surrounding my vocation, my state of life, my job, my relationships, and my trust in your faithfulness and fidelity to me.

I found the reflection by Catherine de Hueck Doherty in today's Magnificat particularly helpful:

"Faith is to believe without understanding, without seeing. God has blessed us with the gift of our intellect, and up to a point we understand many things about ourselves and the world around us. However, when you begin to move deeper into faith, something strange happens.

You have been walking in the sunshine of your intellect. God has helped you and encouraged you to use it. Then, just like in the tropics where there is no twilight and the day becomes night within minutes, so God plunges you into the night. He says, 'Put your head in your heart and believe! For now there is no answer. I am the answer. You won't see me in the dark. You will have to follow me in faith, without knowing. Arise and believe.'

There is a tremendous secret in God's ways of doing things if we do follow him across that dark night of the tropics, of the soul. There will be a moment, maybe just before death, or in the midst of life, or maybe when we are at a very tender age. At this moment he will appear. He will just be there. What you knew by your own intellect has blended together with what was added to you because you believed and walked in the darkness of night. You have entered into the fullness of the kingdom of God even before your death. The kingdom of God is in your midst now. "

Ten Minute Break

It is amazing to me how important ten minutes of silence in the presence of God can be. I used to be diligent about carving out 15 minutes of contemplative prayer in the morning and 15 minutes more in the afternoon to be centered in and with God. These three books were immensely helpful in learning the practice of Christian contemplation.

Years have gone by since I have been so diligent. And now, the Holy Spirit is impelling me to begin the practice again...even for ten minutes twice a day. Pray for me that I can commit to this practice.

My Favorite Month of Prayer

I have NO idea why , but I love the doctrine of purgatory. I wrote a thesis on purgative suffering. And I love the month of November, because I get to meditate on it all month long. I mean really, who am I?

I hope you will join me, readers, in praying for the faithful departed, who await their eternal reward of seeing the Lord face to face. I have a few dear ones especially to remember this month. Let us know who of your loved ones we can remember.

Also, if you get a chance, pick up this book and pray the month-long novena. It's really so beautiful.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Some Words to Live By

"He remains, being tempted in all those who are tempted, in those who are in mortal sin, He is in the tomb. We should never come to a sinner without the reverence that we would take to the Holy Sepulchre."

Reflect on it.

Caryll Houselander, The Reed of God

Photo Credit

Creative Solitude

T. F. Simon, "Vilma Reading a Book", 1912

"I seek to see my own moments of loneliness as an opportunity to enter more deeply into communion with Christ, and to allow Christ to transform loneliness into holy, fruitful, creative solitude."

--Maria (emphasis mine)

Musings.

Well, thanks for your prayers. I am back safe and sound from Paris, and I miss it already. Maybe it is because my ancestors are European, or maybe it is because I needed a retreat from my routine, but the three days abroad refreshed my soul and spirit. I already feel a tangible propensity toward anxiety now that I am back in my routine of grading, answering emails, and responding to demands at work. The time away allotted me several sweet moments with the Lord and with myself that I didn't know I needed. God is indeed very generous.

I will tell you that our beloved patroness is to be found everywhere in Paris. Just when I thought I had seen the last of her, Mary Magdalene showed up in all of her glory. It was a reminder to me not only to pray for my two sisters on this blog, but that the Lord was looking out for me, and is looking out for me, in my life in the present moment. He is so good and generous to appear to us in His creation, most notably the saints. I found Magdalene in Versailles, possibly on the facade of Notre Dame (though I'm still trying to confirm this), and in the Louvre, respectively.

I also ask you to pray for the respose of the soul of my family's very dear, dear friend. She passed away on Monday night after a battle with ALS. This woman was so supportive of me at very critical times in my college experience as well as a good friend to my brother, mother, and father at different points in their lives. For the blessing of friends, Lord, I praise you.

May the souls of faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Notre Dame, pray for us.

God's Little Flowers

Yesterday's Gospel really hit me at Mass yesterday - it is from Luke 16:19-31, the story of Lazarus and the rich man. The first thing our priest told us is that in this parable, Jesus gives Lazarus a name which he typically does not do for any other parable. The name Lazarus means "God is my help," and it is because Lazarus relied upon God for all things that he rests in bosom of Father Abraham. His physical poverty also reveals his spiritual poverty and his reliance upon the Lord, whereas the rich man, relying only upon himself to the point of not even seeing Lazarus as a fellow man, suffers the pain of fire.

That made me realize that I need to more like Lazarus, how much I need to humble my own spirit and see God in those around me. How easy it has been for me to say to myself: "Poor, poor pitiful me. Jobless, a disastrous love life, practically penniless if not for my family, uninspired, etc, etc. We could go on and on feeling sorry for ourselves, especially in this economy and especially me after my horrific "phantom wedding" and wasted affection on someone who did not really love me. Yes, how many months have I wasted my talents in this way?

But in the Papal homily yesterday, Benedict interprets the Gospel in this way:

Our eternal destiny is conditioned by our attitude; it is up to us to follow the road to life that God has shown us, and this is the road of love, not understood as sentiment but as service to others in the charity of Christ.

The road of love that God has shown unto me. See, I thought it was marriage. And perhaps it still is, but not to Peter. My life has changed and I am learning to accept it. So I need to ask myself: who is the Lazarus in my own life? Perhaps it is someone in my own house. How can I make my spiritual disposition more like Lazarus? Why do I waste my talents with sentiments such as worry, doubt, fear, anger? When is the time to act if it is not now? Today is the feast of St. Vincent De Paul. He knew what it meant to serve others in the charity of Christ - so let us ask him to intercede of us, that we too will respond daily to the call of love that we might become God's little flowers that make the world more beautiful by reflecting His goodness and beauty.

Photo Credit

Our Lady of Czestochowa

Today is the feast of Our Lady of Czestochowa, the Black Madonna, patroness and protector of Poland, beloved of Pope John Paul II. She also happens to hang over my desk. (Sometimes I talk to her. Really, I ought to talk to her much more.)

And, recently, I discovered this prayer on a holy card:

HOLY MOTHER of Czestochowa, Thou are full of grace, goodness and mercy. I consecrate to Thee all my thoughts, words and actions--my soul and body. I beseech Thy blessings and especially prayers for my salvation.

Today I consecrate myself to Thee, Good Mother, totally--with body and soul amid joy and sufferings to obtain for myself and others Thy blessings on this earth and eternal life in Heaven. Amen.

Amen. Amen!

Safe Travels Jules!

Julian is driving cross country right now (and I, for one, am SO jealous!). Here's a little tune to help her on the way. (It is my personal favorite driving song!)

Our lady of the highways, pray for us!

You'll Never Believe It....

So, this morning I went to daily Mass at a parish about a mile from my home, and who did I see but the same man and his wife that I saw the previous day completely across the city...actually outside the city limits! I was stunned when I saw his wife going into Mass, and when I looked for the gentleman, he was up against the brick wall, one arm over his head and the other clutching his prayer book. He was praying at the Station of the Cross when Jesus fell for the first time. It was the most beautiful sight -- even more than the two that I saw the day before. He proceeded to walk the entire church periphery, clearly in agony, along with Christ. This man praying the stations. Took my breath away. Again.

Edith's Devotions of Choice

How can we narrow down our top 5 devotions? Part of what I love about being Catholic is that we have devotions, saints, liturgies for every season in our lives! But, I can, for the sake of Kim's challenge, narrow it down! So here goes -

5. The Divine Mercy Chaplet - I love this chaplet and the message of God's Divine Mercy. I still have not made my way through all of St. Faustina's diary (but I will!). This chaplet was made even more special for me when my old parish in Louisiana observed this novena from Mardi Gras every Tuesday until the Tuesday of Divine Mercy week. The choir director at the parish wrote the music and it is absolutely beautiful. I'll really miss that!

4. Spiritual Reading - I love doing all kind of spiritual reading, I am a reader and being intellectually stimulated is one way I relate to God. Whether it is Bible reading, prayer books, writings of saints and blesseds, I love it all.

3. Studying the Lives of the Saints/Novenas - I am obsessed with learning about the saints - (hmmm...can you tell, i.e. Edith Stein?) They remind me that human beings are not only entirely capable of holiness, but called to be holy. Learning about them gives us friends in heaven, and seriously, who can't use that??

2. Rosary - Sometimes I find the rosary difficult to pray - not in the sense that the prayers are hard, but to really focus and meditate upon them for me is difficult. So if I am having a really hard time, I try to focus on the fact that I am a child of God and a child of His Holy Mother and they love me. And then I also might picture a person's face that I really want to offer that decade for. It helps, and the rosary changes lives and hearts.

1. The Liturgy of the Easter Triduum - This is the most solemn and joyful time in the Church. The joy, fear, sorrow, and anticipation of Holy Thursday, the emptiness you literally feel on Good Friday, and the indescribable joy of the Easter Vigil Mass, especially as you watch new members become embraced into the arms of Holy Mother Church - words just cannot even express how much beauty....

Click for favorites of Julian and Agatha.