Thank you all for your comments, replies, and posts. While this truly is the most painful of times I've had in my short life, it helps me tremendously to know that I am surrounded by those who love me and are praying for me.
To my dear friend, Emily, thank you! I have always loved being around your luminous personality full of joy and hope! I will try that list making and do as you do each day. Gardenia, your comment, as well as the response of other women I know has made me realize that this experience is not so uncommon as one would think. It's just so difficult. Peter and I were literally 10 days away from our wedding day when all of this happened. It still makes no sense. What a grace that you have never experienced anger toward the person that hurt you. My feelings are all mixed up, between anger, love, heartache, etc. I'm glad to know from others' experiences, such as your own, that the prospects of a marriage are not out the window.
And Julian and Agatha, you two are awesome. I love you. Agatha, I've always wanted to be closer to St. Joseph than I am, and now is the opportunity. I used to be in the habit of praying for my future spouse all the time - then I met Peter, and I thought the prayer had been answered. I don't know why I stopped praying that prayer, but I'll be sure to offer up my novena for that and a myriad of other intentions - including for all of you. Julian, your words are an inspiration from the Holy Spirit. They are all that I needed to hear in a way I never thought. Thank you.
And to my dear friend who called me today after reading my post. Thank you. Your message made me laugh and smile. I needed that, and I need to talk to you too. And I will. The days go up and down, the emotions do too. Prayers are helping me, and I certainly don't want to wallow in my pity party.
I have been fortunate enough to have the friendship of a wonderful priest who was to marry Peter and I. Before I moved back home, I met with this priest and he recommended that I read a book by Fr. Joseph Langford on Mother Teresa called Mother Teresa's Secret Fire. It has been a tremendous comfort to me - and I would recommend it to all of you. It is perfect especially during Lent. Fr. Langford expounds upon the deep theological meaning of Christ's last words on the Cross: "I thirst" as God's profound thirst to love us and be loved by us. I'll close this post with a quote from the book. The quote comes from Mother Teresa's Varanasi Letter:
Why does Jesus say "I thirst?" What does it mean? Something so hard to explain in words--if you remember anything from Mother's letter remember this -- "I thirst" is something much deeper than Jesus saying "I love you." Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you -- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him." p. 56, Lanford