Three 20-something women trying to figure out what it means to be lay, Catholic, and modern all at once.


March 9, 2010

Sorrow


Hello Readers. As you may have noticed - my posts have been scarce. I guess I am lacking in inspiration - currently my days are filled with sorrow after my personal disaster. I go from missing the person I thought was my best friend and partner-to-be in life to anger at realizing that it just was not meant to be. I ask 'Why did God let this happen to me, to us?' 'What have the last two years of my life meant then, anyway?' 'Why was he not the one I prayed for, the one ordained for me? It seemed in so many ways that he was! We were that couple everyone wanted to be around (or it least it seemed like we were). Heck, the people at our marriage retreat asked us to join their ministry several times! Where did we go wrong?' 'Will I ever find the right person? Will I ever get married? Is God telling me NO to married life?' 'What am I supposed to do now, with only broken pieces of a life I thought I was supposed to have?'

Every day, I miss my old place - the life I had, the friends, the environment (not to mention the sunshine!) I pretty much want to stay in bed all day long. When I finally do get out of bed to leave the house - like to go to the gym (which I have been forcing myself to do - and that is good), I start crying (yes tears) every time I see an engaged or married woman. I'm trying very hard to focus on me, to put my life in order, to do something to get my mind off of this. But I don't know how. Currently, I've retreated to reading books about the Holocaust. I'm not sure if that's fueling the depression or quelling it. Probably a little bit of both. If I was not feeling so pitiful, this would be laughable. Any suggestions? Help!

3 comments:

Emily Byers said...

Sit down and make a list of 50 things that have always made you happy (not counting people), and go to it when you need cheering up. I try to do one of the things on my list every day, even when I'm not feeling bad. Sounds silly, but it really works! Some of the items on my list are: going to the theater (esp. for Shakespeare!), wandering aimlessly in libraries and bookstores, painting (walls, not canvases), hot chocolate before bed, and letting myself get caught in the rain. I love you, Edith! Count on my prayers.

"Though they are not strictly spiritual in themselves, nonspiritual consolations may readily serve as a springboard for specifically spiritual consolations." - St. Ignatius

Gardenia said...

dearest Edith, I pray for you. I saw myself in this post -- only many years ago. I had a devastation of saying goodbye to a man I thought I would marry. I did not understand why I had met him -- why God had "allowed me to waste my time with him when he wasn't the one ordained for me. all these questions. but I prayed and prayed, and one thing I prayed for that I believe helped me tremendously in my healing was to not resent, hate, be angry at, the man. my prayer was granted, and I never went through that anger stage of grief -- I sailed right over it. today, I know, truly know, why God sent that man my way. It was not for me or my wants. It was for that man. I was sent to him to teach him something. I did not now it at the time. but I am at peace with that now. and I did indeed find the man ordained to be my husband. and the expereince I had with the first man made me a better wife than I would have been had I now experienced that sorrow and devastation. hope that helps you. and yes, grieve. do what you need to do -- don't stuff it. if you need to lock yourself into your house and be alone a while, do it. you know what is good for your soul. blessings.

Jennie said...

Edith, I cannot begin to imagine what you're going through, but hang in there, you will make it through this.

As for advice, I would echo what has already been said, take this time and allow yourself to grieve. But pamper yourself too. Get a massage, eat some ice cream (but keep going to the gym too), take a yoga class, buy yourself something pretty. Or maybe consider taking a trip somewhere, go visit a friend in another city or state, just get out of town for a little bit.

You will be in my prayers.

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