August 26, 2010
Agatha and I had a conversation the other night over dinner about what to do when single friends freely talk about their sex lives. Essentially, if you're friends with either of us, and you're confiding in us about intimacy, chances are you know what we think about the body, sex, love, marriage, God, well-being, et. al. While Agatha's friend was recounting her recent sexual escapades with men after recently getting out of a long-term relationship, my friend was seeking advice about whether or not to have sex with her new boyfriend after 25 years of virginity. Her rationale was that she had never really made up her mind about when she wanted to save sex for, and that now at the age of 25, she had found someone she was reasonably attracted to, was reasonably attracted to her, and someone whom she got along with in a decent way. Tonight she confessed that the "deed was done," last night and that it "was no big deal." However, as she continued to talk, she started to back track in her confidence saying, "I mean I'm still processing it all. I mean, I have to think about what I think about it."
I didn't really know what to say. I could see her trying to convince herself (and me), that it really was no big deal. But shouldn't one want it to be a big deal? What ever happened to the emotional gravity wrapped up in being with someone? Don't we distinguish between making love and having sex? I mean, anyone can have sex, but don't you want to be in love (and I mean the forever-kind of love) with a man when it happens? Look, I know about temptation. I know about the crazy, mixed-up feelings. I've lived it. But at some point, one has to acknowledge that it's not just body parts, not just the next step, and that it is a heck of a huge deal to allow someone to be with you in that way.
What is a friend to say?