Three 20-something women trying to figure out what it means to be lay, Catholic, and modern all at once.

August 26, 2010

Deal or No (Big) Deal

Agatha and I had a conversation the other night over dinner about what to do when single friends freely talk about their sex lives. Essentially, if you're friends with either of us, and you're confiding in us about intimacy, chances are you know what we think about the body, sex, love, marriage, God, well-being, et. al. While Agatha's friend was recounting her recent sexual escapades with men after recently getting out of a long-term relationship, my friend was seeking advice about whether or not to have sex with her new boyfriend after 25 years of virginity. Her rationale was that she had never really made up her mind about when she wanted to save sex for, and that now at the age of 25, she had found someone she was reasonably attracted to, was reasonably attracted to her, and someone whom she got along with in a decent way. Tonight she confessed that the "deed was done," last night and that it "was no big deal." However, as she continued to talk, she started to back track in her confidence saying, "I mean I'm still processing it all. I mean, I have to think about what I think about it."

I didn't really know what to say. I could see her trying to convince herself (and me), that it really was no big deal. But shouldn't one want it to be a big deal? What ever happened to the emotional gravity wrapped up in being with someone? Don't we distinguish between making love and having sex? I mean, anyone can have sex, but don't you want to be in love (and I mean the forever-kind of love) with a man when it happens? Look, I know about temptation. I know about the crazy, mixed-up feelings. I've lived it. But at some point, one has to acknowledge that it's not just body parts, not just the next step, and that it is a heck of a huge deal to allow someone to be with you in that way.

What is a friend to say?


healthily sanguine said...

That's sad. I think I would be very sorry for my friend and express my feelings of sorrow sincerely. As a woman, it just hurts my heart that another woman values herself so little that she would do that for someone who gives her anything less than the commitment of his entire life. It's easy to step into the modern, blase mindset about sex but you are absolutely right that what is at issue is LOVE, and it IS a big deal--we can't pretend anything less.

Kelly said...

This is really sad. I second the previous comment about expressing my feelings of sorrow sincerely. What are you uniting in this circumstance? What are you "procreating" (taken literally and not). I know it's an extremely difficult position to be in, but I think I would be honest even if it means some awkwardness. Prayers for you!

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