"He Will Give a Crown of Beauty for Ashes"

From Isaiah 61:3. This past week, God has showed me the meaning of these words -- because trust me, I've needed it!! It's been a tough week. Let me give you an idea. A young man I know died in a very tragic and horrific accident this week. That makes 5 young people I know who have died tragically in the past couple months, one of whom I was quite close to. My fiancé's car was robbed this past weekend. And one of my best friends got into a car wreck. She's fine and Peter was lucky that the thief did not get much. And then Peter and I had to meet with the deacon of our Church to discuss some potentially serious road bumps in our diocesan 'FOCCUS' test for marriage prep. We'll be just fine - but wow, sometimes life can hand you some pretty big doses of well... life.

I found myself asking God - 'Are you serious, God... I mean, really?' 'Didn't you promise that you'd give us angels to watch over us...where were Your angels, God, when my friends got into those accidents? Why didn't You stop them from happening? How could You allow Your children to suffer like that? Didn't You say You love us?' From these questions came extreme anxiety (which I will probably have for sometime) about death. No bike riding without helmets, call as soon you get there, please drive safe! Seriously, I felt like Ivan Karamazov for a second.

But then I was given the tremendous grace to attend my Church's very first women's conference. Over 450 women attended. It featured two amazing women of God: Johnnette Benkovic of EWTN and Anne Trufant, a Catholic lay evangelist, song-writer, and missionary. WOW. These women told me exactly what I needed to hear. Johnnette gave a powerful witness about keeping your faith in the midst of tragedy and loss. She prayed her son out of danger in Iraq, only to have him come home and die tragically in a car accident. One year later, her husband was diagnosed with cancer and she lost him in 2007. But she kept the faith and God got her through it all. Anne elaborated the same theme -- but she was so powerful. She asked us to consider the "you reap what you sow" adage. When we sow in times of joy -- we should sow God's word in our hearts -- so that in times of tragedy and sorrow -- we reap it. That just struck me.

So through another friend, God gave me the word from Isaiah: "He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness for mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Sow it, sow it, sow it!

Elsewhere

Just a quick post for me today. Here are some interesting links from around the web today:

--New Catholic Manliness by Todd M. Aglialoro on InsideCatholic:

Common experience nonetheless bears out the point: We may yet have a male-only clergy and hierarchy, but where the rubber meets the road -- in those mundane areas of church life where laity and institution most commonly interact -- the flavor is feminine. Whether you want to speak in terms of liturgy, ministry (lay and clerical), religious education, or sheer congregational numbers, official ecclesial power may not rest in the hands of women, but considerable unofficial influence clearly does, and has for some time. And we in the Church have been subject to its effects.

Not all these effects, as we shall see, have been bad. But one of the worst has been a subjugation of traditional masculine virtue: the concept of distinctly and properly manly Catholicism repressed, stigmatized, covered up, or otherwise forgotten for lack of practice.

--Wathcing Couples Go By by Herbert Stein on Slate:

look particularly at the women in those couples. They are not glamorous. There are no Marlene Dietrichs, Marilyn Monroes, or Vivien Leighs among them. (It is a sign of my age that I can't think of the name of a single living glamorous movie actress.) Some of them are pretty, but many would be considered plain. Since they are on their way to the Kennedy Center, presumably to attend a play, an opera, or a concert, one may assume that they are somewhat above average in cultural literacy. But in other respects one must assume that they are, like most people, average. But to the man whose hand or arm she is holding, she is not "average." She is the whole world to him.

--Also, The Love and Fidelity Network, which reaches out to college students to encourage a life of chastity and support for marriage, has a new blog. And it's great.

--Finally, check out this wonderful homily by Archbishop J. Augustine DiNoia, O.P., on Genesis 2. It's all so good, I can't possibly quote it. Read it here.

Addendum to "So a Guy..."

I'm seeking advice. Mr. Theology on Tap has called and asked me out on a date -- all well and good. Unfortunately, I can't go because I'm in a wedding this weekend. I tried to reschedule, but we wind up playing phone tag. Then, he calls twice in one night, without me having returned any of his calls (as I was out with friends). The first message entailed trying to come up with a new plan. The second call...wondering why I hadn't returned his call yet about the first call. And he commented on a Facebook status of mine. Is this weird, or is it me? Am I being too critical?

So a Guy Walked into a Bar...

Attention: this is not a joke.

I literally felt like I was living in a dream two nights ago at Theology on Tap. I was listening to a great talk on traditional marriage and its sociological implications by someone from the Family Research Council, and I decided to stay afterwards with a few friends to socialize. A hansome guy who I had made eye contact with in the bar literally got up from his seat, walked over to me, introduced himself, carried on an interesting conversation with me, and asked if he could take me out. Doesn't this only happen in black and white films?

Now, I'm not banking on a love connection or anything, but it was really nice to be treated like a lady.

The punch line: maybe a talk on the sociological and theological theories behind protecting traditional marriage and sexuality can actually be put into practice!

A Week of Firsts

This past week was filled with several "firsts" for me, one of which was the blessing of witnessing a sister's final profession of vows. The semi-cloistered nuns who run the school that I teach at were gathered together to witness one in their community become a bride of Christ. I've spoken with this particular sister before, and her story is quite amazing. She is a widow, like her foundress St. Jane de Chantal, and her children were present at her final vows -- how cool is that? Anyway, I was struck over and over as she repeated, "I take Jesus Christ to be the sole object of my love." Sole object of my love. These words have stayed with me since I heard her say them. How I wish that I would make Jesus the only object of my adoration, attention, and love. How hard it is for the lay, modern woman to do this with so many duties and distractions. Maybe that is why the vocations to religious life and the laity are different. I can't help but ask how to transform that type of vow into my own daily mission.

I also prayed outside of an abortion clinic this weekend for the first time in my life. It was about 45 degrees, raining, and quite windy, but despite the weather it was a remarkable experience. I gathered with about 6 or 7 other young adults from a parish and we prayed to the Blessed Mother for an hour. Though there was no major traffic at the clinic (on a Saturday --- praise God), we did have one person in an SUV speed up to us, spray us a bit, and honk for a really long time). Everyone stayed really peaceful and focused in prayer. I was immediately aware of the fact that the culture of life will be ushered in with gentleness, not hostility. Perhaps these two "firsts" overlap in meaning: those who vow to remain hidden, those who are hidden -- the "little ones," the ones that the world sees no value in -- are wrapped in the gentle arms of Christ.

St. Jude Novena begins tomorrow

For as long as I can remember, my mother has had an old chipped plaster-of-paris statue of St. Jude sitting on her desk. She loved St. Jude, and encouraged all of us to love him and pray his novena. It is not a novena to be used lightly--St. Jude is the patron of hopeless causes and things despaired of, and his novena is a wonderful consolation for those dealing with extreme difficulties--disease, poverty, despair, etc.

I know all of us are going through difficult things right now, and have friends and family for who we are desperately praying for. So, I encourage you all to pray the St. Jude Novena, and foster in your hearts a love for this great and holy Saint.

Below is the main novena prayer. You can also find specific prayers here. One of the stipulations of the novena is to promulgate his name--so do pass this novena on to friends and family. Also, St. Jude is a very popular patron of parishes, so if you have a chance, visit one of the many St. Jude Shrines or St. Jude parishes on his feast day, October 28th.



Most holy Apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the Church honors and invokes you universally, as the patron of difficult cases, of things almost despaired of, Pray for me, I am so helpless and alone.
Intercede with God for me that He bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly -(make your request here)- and that I may praise God with you and all the saints forever. I promise, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor granted me by God and to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you.
Amen


May the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, and loved in all the tabernacles until the end of time. Amen.
May the most Sacred Heart of Jesus be praised and glorified now and forever. Amen
St. Jude pray for us and hear our prayers. Amen.

Blessed be the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Blessed be the Immaculate Heart of Mary
Blessed be St. Jude Thaddeus, in all the world and for all Eternity.

(say this prayer, followed by the Our Father and the Hail Mary)

Thinking as a 'We'

I am trying to learn how to adjust to the idea of being married so that by the time I get married (see countdown in side bar - yay!), I will be that much ahead of the game. One of the biggest challenges I am coming across is the whole thinking of 'me' now as a 'we.' It's so difficult to get my mind wrapped around the fact that my life is not my own. For example, I realized that I am particularly attached to my last name. I never thought I would be. I never thought I'd be that woman who refused to change her last name. I mean, after all, what does it mean to become one flesh with the man as the head (and the woman as the neck, of course!)? I always thought only angry feminists refused to change their names.

But, as I am faced with this immanent reality, I realized my name is part of who I am. I've never been anyone other than Edith Magdalene for 26 years! When I told my fiancé that I wanted to hyphenate my last name, he did not approve one bit. I guess it's a 'man thing' to give your name to your wife and children, to immortalize and to perpetuate it. I am coming to accept that I will change my name - though we've comprised that my PhD can be hyphenated. That's good with me.

But name changing is not the only challenge. It's laughable the things we are going through right now. As my fiancé slowly moves his possessions into my apartment, which in a few months will be 'ours,' (gulp! I am learning that I am territorial creature!) there's been a battle about whose furniture is better and why and what needs to be sold. Our friends just laugh at us, and eventually we laugh too. But the transition to a 'we' is real world thing, and it sure isn't easy. It makes me grateful for the Lord, who redeems all things and walks the way of our lives with us.

But Not A Real Green Dress; That's Cruel

Last night I broke the shopping ban and bought a green dress. And a pair of yellow leather gloves. (The gloves were, technically, a gift, since I had a gift card.) I have to tell you all this because I should admit my faults to all of you, especially when I broadcasted that I was going on a shopping ban for Life, and because it is an excellent segue into a question Julian brought up last month.

Bills. Money. Taxes. These things really suck. And we might as well work on making them suck less by mastering them now. I don't have any good answers to this (I haven't saved a dime the entire 5 years I've been in the workforce), but I would like to offer a few suggestions that seem to make sense to me.

1) I never ever think of my paycheck as it's full amount. Let's say I make $1000 every two weeks. Every two week period I also have a set amount of bills--for example $500 rent, and $100 school loan payment and $50 in credit card bills--for a total of $650. That means, for the first half of the month, I don't get $1000 with my paycheck--I only get $350. The second half of the month is the same thing: $100 for my metro fares for the month, $150 for other credit card payments, $200 to savings, totalling $450, which means I only have $550 in left in my paycheck. Since all my regular bills are accounted for in this figure, that $350 and $550 is mine to do with as I find necessary: groceries, clothing, entertainment. When a dress is $40, and you only have $350 to spend on everything you need, suddenly the dress doesn't look like such a good deal. (Unless of course it is green and therefore perfect, in which case I buy it...)

2) Always tithe. It's awfully awfully hard to manage the full 10% when we're paying off college loans, and so forth. A priest in confession once told me that I shouldn't worry about the 10%, but that perhaps I could volunteer some time to a cause as well as tithing what's possible. This is a great idea, but I do think giving to the church is incredibly important. Rather than give a full 10% of my income, I try to give 15% of my spending amount. (Using the examples above, that's approximately $50 in the first half of the month and $80 in the second.) If I can give more in a given month, I always try to.

3) The most important thing about tithing is not giving money to God and his church, but the attitude it forms in you. Your job, your salary, your savings, are all there by the grace of God, and they are all a gift. So if you major attitude towards money is "the Lord will provide" (and attitude fostered by giving), then you'll manage, no matter how hard things may be. This also means that sometimes you can indulge, or do something that seems extravagant, for the sake of something more important than money in the bank. For example, it doesn't matter that I have plenty of things I could spend $300 on--I ought to, and want to visit my grandmother, and so I'm going to buy a plane ticket to go see her next time I get paid.

These are my three tips, then:
1) you have less that what your paycheck says. Know how much less, and plan accordingly.
2) always tithe.
3) the Lord will provide.

These aren't exhaustive, but they are a start. And when you're trying to balance so many other things, a start is about all I can do when it comes to my checkbook.

Our Patroness...

Is coming to our nation!! Well, her relics are. What great news! Father Thomas Michelet will be coming from France to bring the relics of St. Mary Magdalene for the first time to the United States. EWTN just issued a press release with the good news, as they will be featuring Fr. Michelet on October 27th on 'EWTN Live." No word yet on schedule places the relics will visit, but more news to come!

Update on Rifqa

Rifqa Bary has been sent back to Ohio. According to this FoxNews story, she will be in foster care and will undergo psychiatric help along with her family. Keep the prayers coming.

Respect for Life: Choosing Thomas

I came across this video while doing some reading on Catholic Exchange. It is absolutely stunning in every way possible. During this 40 Days for Life, let us be grateful for parents such as these and for the grace of the Cross that has been given to us who have been called.

Prayer Request!

Remember the post not too long ago about a young Muslim girl who converted to Christianity named Rifqa Bary? Please pray for her...today the judge decides if she must return to her family, who, according to Rifqa, will kill her for being an apostate. Pray for the judge, pray for the girl, pray for the family. And pray for peace.

The Rosary of Seven Sorrows

We Magdalene Sisters love Immaculee Ilibagiza. She has inspired us through her writing and her life. I've recently begun praying the Rosary of the Seven Sorrows that Immaculee is promoting all over the globe, thanks to a suggestion from a dear friend. Though she broke into the public square by telling her story of surviving the Rwandan genocide and her experience of God through it all, Immaculee now believes it's her mission to spread the story of the apparition of Our Lady of Kibeho. In this apparition, the Blessed Virgin asked Marie Claire to spread the devotion of the Rosary of the Seven Sorrows which she had given to St. Bridget of Sweden centuries before.

This rosary is incredibly powerful, and is certainly something that our world needs right now. It is something that I need right now. These are just a few of the promises Our Lady made to Marie Claire:

*With the recittation of the Seven Sorrows Rosary, the hardest hearts shall change, if you pray it for yourself and for others.

*By the recitation of the Seven Sorrows Rosary, you shall be freed from obsessions and addictions

*This rosary when said from the heart, it will win us true repentance of our sins and free our souls from guilt and remorse.

I hope that you pray with me: Most merciful Mother, remind us always about the Sorrows of your son, Jesus.

The Vocation of Motherhood: A Practical Take

Dear Readers,
My apologies for not posting this weekend...hosting my future father-in-law this weekend for a big time national college football game kept me away from my computer. But we did have a nice time, even though our team did not win the game. Anyway, I wanted to post just a quick tidbit before I head off to meet a professor. I was watching EWTN's The World Over last week, and was delighted to meet this lovely lady: Rachel Campos-Duffy. Rachel is a mother of 5, was on MTV's The Real World in the 1990's (before it was super trashy), and she almost had Elizabeth Hasselback's job on The View (which by the way, I despise, so I'm glad she did not get on that show!)

Anyway, she recently published a book about being a stay-at-home mom, and now posts a blog about parenting in today's modern world. She was very dynamic, and you can watch the reel from the show on the website linked above. I know we are not all mom's yet, but many of us do feel that vocation, so this might be a good resource as we develop our vocations in life. I do believe that women are called to motherhood in one way or another - spiritual or physical -- and both!! Hope you find it helpful and have a blessed day!!

Wisdom From Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners:

I'm a recent college graduate in my mid-20s. I make a modest but comfortable salary and have been supporting myself since I finished school.

As a fairly "new" adult, I have repeatedly found myself in situations where I feel I am in awkward limbo between young person and equal, uncertain how to behave.

For example, when dining out with people in my parents' generation (friends' parents, my superiors at work, etc.), I am never sure whether I should offer to pay or cover the tip. I don't want to act like a spoiled child, but I also don't want to offend anyone by presuming to be their equal when I've only just started out in my career and adult life. I certainly don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Could you please offer some advice on how a young adult such as myself should act in the company of older acquaintances and colleagues? I am at a loss.

Gentle Reader:

On the contrary. You have already accomplished the most difficult part of this transition: recognizing that you are an adult.

Many people never do, Miss Manners regrets to observe. There seem to be a lot of overaged spoiled children around, who feel forever exempt from reciprocating the generosity of their elders.

With your superiors at work, the key question is whether they are taking you out on an expense account to discuss work, in which case you owe only thanks. If not, you pay your own share.

Check-grabbing contests with your friends' parents and other social contacts are not graceful. What would be graceful would be to issue an occasional invitation to those who have entertained you. That it will not be in the same style is unimportant -- they will be immensely flattered at the sign that you enjoy their company, not just the meals they provide. Do it within your own price range -- perhaps for a drink, or tea, or brunch at your place.

If that is impossible, alternative forms of reciprocation could be occasionally bringing a small present, such as a book or DVD you think they might enjoy, or insisting on helping them with a problem they happen to mention (with a computer or new cellphone, or gardening or taxes -- whatever you can do that they admit is driving them crazy).

(From this week's column)

I love Miss Manner's answer here; it seems to strike exactly the right note. I have often found myself in a similar situation. It's hard enough to deal with the check when you're out to dinner with peers, let alone when you're out with friends parents, or colleagues, etc. I always make an effort to read the signs--do they grab the check and take care of it without a second glance? (Even bosses have done this, on numerous occasions, and I always wished I could reciprocate!) So then I am gracious and grateful.

But I especially love her final point. Even if you can't actually reciprocate, send a note of thanks, or a little gift. It never hurts to send something along saying "This reminded me of you." Graciousness ought to be at the top of a woman's virtues.

Jim and Pam: Flaws and All

Me: Hello, my name is Julian, and I love The Office.

All: Hello, Julian.

Like most other ladies my age, I have a crush on the character Jim Halpert of The Office. In his own words in tonight's epic episode, he confesses that he "waited for his wife." He embodies all that we want in a man: gentle pursual, patience in waiting for her to come around to love him on her own, and ultimately taking a risk in forever changing his relationship with his best friend by confessing his feelings. What young woman does not wish for this kind of knight in shining armor (or tie and suit)? Very few, I'm guessing.

But what I love most about the relationship between Jim and Pam is that we have been privy to their strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple. We, the viewers, have seen them slip up, choose to ignore harsh realities, deny their own feelings, unintentionally offend one another and take uncalculated, sometimes imprudent risks. But the two have offered us something that most television and movie couples have not: love that is real, love that is enduring, love that doesn't happen overnight. They are truly partners not only in the office but in life, and it's been such a blessing to have at least one example in pop culture that teaches us that something so beautiful is worth working at and waiting for.

Our Lady of the Rosary

St. Dominic receiving the rosary from Our Lady

In the most recent issue of Homiletic and Pastoral Review, Fr. Basil Cole, O.P. writes about "saying" vs. "praying" the Rosary. As someone who's said the rosary her entire life, but probably only really prayed it a few times, his words really resonated with me:

It is up to the individual Christian to use his imagination and mind to ferret out the various meanings of the mysteries and learn to rest in them. When that happens, then the events of one's daily life become integrated with one's relationship with the Triune God through Jesus Christ and the heart of Mary. As one slowly remembers what the God-man accomplished, a deeper sense of gratitude emerges, making it difficult for someone to turn away from God by gravely or seriously sinning. Sins of weakness, however, are always with us.

Happy feast of Our Lady of the Rosary!


Fr. Basil Cole, O.P., is a Dominican friar of the Province of St. Joseph, and professor at Pontifical Faculty of Theology of the Immaculate Conception in Washington D.C.

Being Martha

Today's Gospel reading speaks to the modern, lay, Catholic woman loudly and clearly: we can all be Marthas. I hear Jesus on a regular basis calling me, "Julian, Julian, you are anxious about many things." Yep, Lord, that's true. Right now I have three friends who are immensely suffering, three family members who are justifiably depressed, a family friend who is dying, papers to grade, lessons to plan, seminars to attend, people to visit, students to meet with and counsel, emails to respond to, etc. Because these things all have to do with serving Christ in those who are in need of me, I tend to want to believe that what Martha was doing was actually right - serving Jesus' immediate needs with hospitality and attentiveness.

But even though these things need to get done and are truly ways that I need to serve Christ (since He has entrusted them to me), He still responds to me as He did to Martha: "There is only need of one thing." That one thing is to recollect myself in the presence of Christ in silence, if only for a few minutes. I'm sure that Mary didn't just sit put the whole time Jesus was visiting. No Jewish woman would have been able to refrain from cooking and cleaning when a guest was over. But she did pause to be in His presence. The list of things to do only gains meaning if it's done with our gaze fixed on Christ.

We modern, working women need to be conscientious about doing the same thing. That way our list does not become things to do, but instead, things to do with joy for the One we love.

Fall Fashion: The Skirt

(From Life Magazine)

It's fall. Have you noticed? It's not exactly cooler than it was two weeks ago, but 75 degrees feels different than it did 2 weeks ago. I'm glad too. Pretty soon tights and boots will be part of my regular rotation. Plus scarves, gloves, hats, and so forth. Layer after soft and structured layer. it's going to be great.

All the same, I'm having a hard time finding things this year. I don't mind that waists are a little higher (more feminine, and modest too--we can actually tuck shirts in, and not worry about showing skin whenever we bend down or sit down). But hemlines are higher too.

I don't mind skirts being above the knee--especially since I wear tights 90% of the time (and they are in, in, in!). Somehow short skirts are less short with opaque and colorful tights.

But I'm still having a real hard time finding good, sensible feminine clothes. Even with Michelle Obama setting the fashion scene, I'm having a hard time! Have you guys found any great, lovely, professional clothes this fall?

A Response to "Shacking Up"

A thoughtful post on the phenomenon of cohabitation, Edith. As someone with two cousins who have done this and one who is currently doing this, I have many opinions about the matter.

I think one thing to note is that no one couple does this for exactly the same reason as another. Sure, there is general sociological trend to live together outside of marriage, but just like every other trend, people participate in it for their own reasons. My three cousins illustrate this: 1) Cousin #1 and his girlfriend moved into together a few months before they got engaged. They had every intention of getting married (and they have a wonderful marriage), but it was "more economical" in their opinion to move in together; 2) Cousin #2 and his girlfriend moved in together without any intention of getting married because they supported the "Why do we need to get married if we're committed to each other" philosophy; 3) Cousin #3 and his girlfriend are living with another couple right now, which is some sort of glorified mixture between college and playing "house," but it seems they moved in together to test whether or not they would want to get married in the future - the "test drive" philosophy.

I think in a culture of immediate gratification and one in which there is a longing for intimacy in the midst of this sterile, virtual atmosphere (and a world where jobs take us further away from interaction with people), it's going to be hard to reason our way back to the goods of marriage for individuals, couples, and society as a whole. With the divorce rate where it is, even among Catholics, we need to take a serious look at our motivations for marriage. Is it any wonder that a generation who has spent it's twenties hopping from job to job or city to city is also unable to commit to a person? We have to LIVE this commitment in our personal and professional lives to demonstrate that the blessings of commitment are worth the demands it places on us. If marriage is truly a vocation, it means that the life of the individuals before they take their vows have led them to it, but it also requires the individual to stick it out with God and their spouse when the going gets tough. God never calls us to anything He doesn't want for us. Let's follow the direction of St. Francis of Assisi, whose feast day is today, to "preach the Gospel and if necessary, use words."