Always a Godmother, never a God

Yesterday I had the honor of witnessing my first godchild's baptism. E was so precious and beautiful in her gown. I think the most poignant moments were when the deacon blessed her with her mother and then her father. Shortly after, he brought the baby to the Blessed Mother and then to the crucifix while he prayed with her. I was tearing up at the thought of this little one entering into Christ's life and being protected by a mother, father, and savior in heaven.

As I held little E at the party afterwards (it's always a good, Catholic party when there is plenty of food and drink!), I thought of how blessed I was to be a "spiritual" mother to her: to pray for her many times throughout the day, to offer up my actions for her, to give her over to the care of the Virgin Mary and to the sacred heart of Jesus. I'm going to pray that God inspires me in many ways to nuture little E in the unique role that I have been given.

The baptism was also importat for my faith life. For years now I have been in a spiritual "dry spell." In fact, when the book about Mother Teresa's "dark night" came out, I instantly related to her. After about 6 years of theological and philosophical study, God became an object to me, and I still find it harder and harder to have a personal relationship with the Trinity and Our Mother. And so my prayers have become mechanical, and I think that my life becomes my own. I take control of it (or so I think) and try to "play God." I want to manage my vocation to marriage, control my classroom, and orchestrate my relationships. (Of course I am getting spiritual direction, so no fear! Keep praying for me to daily renew my life with Christ, because those of you who are praying for me should know it's working!). This is, of course, an illusion and a falsehood, and yesterday helped me to see more clearly God's hand at work in my life.

When the deacon was asking me to renew my baptismal vows, he wrapped up by saying, "This is our faith; this is the faith of the Church." I remembered how simple the tenets of our faith are, and more importantly, how simple God is. Seeing E, so small and innocent, reminded me to "put on" such a simple, uncomplicated attitude like Christ's and to work on this during Lent. God is simple. And as Jesus insisted, we only need to look at the face of a child to know this.