January 10, 2011
I've heard a lot about resolutions in the past few weeks. The January issues of many magazines offer suggestions about how to stay organized, how to get healthy, how to shed those last few pounds. Talk shows also offer tips about financial responsibility, what's ahead in 2011, and how to "be the best version of yourself." This chatter about resolutions has gotten me thinking about my own life and my own dreams for it. And right now, I'm dream-less.
No, this is not pessimism. And no, it's not apathy. I have mini-resolutions already set for myself dealing with a whole slew of virtues to grow in and practical ways to do it. I'm talking about dreams for what's ahead, even in the next few years. For the first time in my life (well, since college), I've settled into a job, a city, and a social group. But unlike college, there's no necessary graduation date, nothing propelling me to look ahead, to set out in a new direction, to move beyond it.
I have a lot of friends with goals and dreams. Finish writing my dissertation. Finally pursue this or that degree. Get a promotion. Live abroad. I just feel, well, dream-less. Does that mean I'm not thirsty?
I wonder sometimes if I should be digging deeper in my soul, and searching for the next purpose. I'm wondering now if this is just laziness, or if in fact it is contentment. And if it is contentment, I'm wondering if the growth I do will just be here in this place and time, and not beyond it. It's a new feeling, and one that I'm not comfortable with, as I've always been driven in the pursuit of a goal. Now, point just seems to be.