The Wisdom of Mrs. Fischer

Oh boy oh boy oh boy do I love Simcha Fishcer. She blogs. She writes for the National Catholic Register. She raises a troupe of kids. She wears pants. I'd like to give some sort of caveat, like: "I don't always agree with her, but I find her compelling" but the truth is, I usually do agree with her, and don't find her compelling, I find her hilarious and filled with common sense. Like:

+ Also, some men never think twice about marriage or babies until they find themselves 90% of the way there with the right woman—and then they step up and amaze everyone. So what you see when you’re dating is not necessarily exactly the same as what you’ll get when you’re married. And man and women grow and improve during the life of a marriage, too. The truth is, it’s kind of a crap shoot. We can make reasonable choices, but much about relationships is unpredictable... --Should I Marry Him

+ "I’m not, as I mentioned, especially hung up on men opening doors, specifically. But the idea that men do some special things for women, and women do some special things for men—sounds like a plan to make life tolerable." --The Art of Getting Hysterical About Gender


+ "Poverty saves you from foolish expenditures (unless you’re foolish enough to go into debt over things you don’t need): never once have we tasted the bitterness of buyer’s remorse as we survey the bill for the wrong kind of premium cell phone, useless time share condo, regrettable L-shaped leather couch in sea foam green, or one of those luxury alligators. Thanks, poverty!" --The Blessings of Poverty

+ "Only people with a mental illness would truly believe that you can achieve anything. People who actually get things done are the people who look at themselves and say, “Okey-doke. There are some things I’m good at, and many thousands more things that I am and always will be utterly unqualified to do. Starting tomorrow, my job is do the least amount of thrashing around and wasting of my parent’s tuition money as possible, while I figure out the difference between my very few strengths and my billions of weaknesses.

"'Then, I need to figure out if there’s any possible way I can do what it turns out I’m good at, and also be a decent human being. If possible, it would be wonderful if the things I’m good at, and which allow me to be decent, are also things which will earn me a salary.'

"And after you have that conversation with yourself, and preferably after you come up with a better plan than scrawling “FIX LIFE” on your memo pad, then you can go out drinking with your buddies.

"Because here’s the deal, you poor deluded masses of inchoate ambition: Freedom is for something." --My Dear Graduates

And don't miss a jewel of a piece, which is so fitting for us at TMS, What is a Catholic Feminist?

The Heart of the Matter

Agatha and I had a great discussion on Sunday night. Well, we have great discussions most nights. But the topic of this one turned to the topic of the heart and how various women understand how they are to guard it from or give it to a man. Naturally, as with all matters like this one, we didn't come to a resolution, but we did arrive at various insights from examining our own hearts and those of women we know.

The extremes:

1. "Hi, my name is ______. Here is my heart! Here is all of me!" I think some women tend to go all in when meeting someone. There is a natural desire for women to be SEEN. "See me. Accept me. Love me." We want to be viewed in full and accepted as is. Why risk spending time with someone or investing in someone if he's not going to love the most important parts of you? These types of thoughts feed into a natural inclination to disclose parts of our heart that are the deepest so as test a man's fight or flight instinct with us.

The pros of this? There is a real openness to dialogue and a willingness to be vulnerable. The negatives? You're asking too much too fast, risking significant rejection, and failing to help a man grow in the masculine virtue of working to earn your heart.

2. "Hi, my name is _____. That's all you're going to get from me." Some women completely close their hearts off from men. The reasons vary: vulnerability is the scariest thing in the world; previous relationships have left scars; we carry an idealistic sense that men need to fight these huge battles to win us. This is without mentioning that the art of flirting and the art of opening up is very difficult to master!

The pros? Hearts should be guarded. They are our most precious gift, and should only be given to men that we understand to be worthy to view them. The cons? We can easily set up these impossible gauntlets for men to run through in order to get a peak into our hearts, and by that time, if they actually get through the maze, they might just be too exhausted to continue.

The suggestion:

Agatha and I did agree that the virtue of chastity is a good model to follow in terms of revealing one's heart (and this goes for men, too!). Chastity is not abstinence, but is also does not clearly permit anything to be fair game. As one grows more intimate with someone at various stages of a relationship, one measures out appropriate gestures to indicate that growth. Likewise, a woman need not give her heart to a boyfriend in the way she would to a fiance, or a fiancé in the way she will in marriage twenty years down the road. There is growth and an ever-deepening revelation to be done.

If I Had a Million Dollars...

Well, you don't need a million dollars to get these fun summer trends. But you do need a few. But only a few! Agatha and I were talking about how much we love staying fashionable for a cheap buck. Here are a few suggestions to stay cool, stylish, and modest all at once:

1. The Maxi Dress: I just picked up two at T.J. Maxx for a combined total of $40. One was a brand I'd' never heard of, but another was Max Studio. Both are adorable, very comfortable -- and as always with loose material that is somewhat structured -- flattering.

2. Bandeaus: Sometimes tank tops under dresses or other shirts are cumbersome, hot, and leave lines. I'm a huge fan of these easy layering pieces and picked up a few at Nordstrom. They're also available at Macy's and Target.

3. Wrap-around scarves. I love this trend, because sometimes you want some color around your neck, but a necklace just won't work. Regular winter and fall scarves are hard to arrange with summer fabrics (I think I've officially lost our male readers at this point). My suggestion is the Junior Department at Nordstrom and Ann Taylor Loft (educators get a 15% discount!)

Happy Summer Shopping!!!

Father's Day

Father's Day is a wonderful day to remember our dads and to thank them for all that they've given us. The Magdalene Sisters have been especially formed in our femininity by the attentiveness, gentleness, and at times real, tough love of our own fathers. I'd bet that Agatha and Edith would agree that to make it as a lay, Catholic, and modern woman in this world, a solid relationship with your father (or a father-figure) is a key ingredient, or at least, is something that can only help you navigate this life.

It seems to me that this is only so because a woman must be tenderly reminded of her beauty, worth, and gifts that have been given to her by her heavenly Father, and a dad who is able to model that love, as best he can, is a great mirror of what a filial relationship with God looks like. There is so much I owe to my own dad, who not explicitly with words of faith or theology, but instead with human virtue, showed me that I am good, beautiful, and a prize to be won. (In fact, my dad often used quotes from The Godfather to convey this, telling me that I "am the hunted one," in terms of being pursed by men instead of doing the pursuing, which is a reference to a character who feels he is going to be gunned down. Oh well. It worked!)

A father or a father-figure is a gift in modeling for us our adoption as sons and daughters of God, which Christ ultimately gives us.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where I am going, you know the way. I will not leave you orphans.

Jn. 14:1-3; 14-18

Happy Father's Day to all of our fathers, priestly fathers, and men who have convinced us that we are daughters of God!

Crushin'

My students readily laugh at me, and for good reason. The other day we were reading an essay by Gilbert Meilander entitled, "I Want to Burden My Loved Ones," on the question of advanced directives. One sentence just particularly jumped out at me as I was reading aloud to them, and I said, "Do you see now, ladies, why I have a 'brain crush' on this man?" My students all nodded in agreement, and one girl also exclaimed that she, too, was smitten.

To any observer of my classroom, the term "brain crush" might seem like an odd phrase. But for my part in my classroom, I have designated various types of "crushes" that I have.

1 . The brain crush. An obvious admiration for someone's intellect, philosophy, or ability to craft words in a way that rouse the mind and touch the heart. Such examples are: Aristotle, C.S. Lewis, Father Richard Neuhaus, Karol Wojtyla, Pope Benedict XVI, Gilbert Meilander, Charles Krauthammer, and Helen Alvare. My students are well-versed in my "BC's" as we now collectively call them, and I'm proud that we now share some.

2. The spiritual crush. An affinity for another person's spirituality, devotion, or relationship with Our Lord. These crushes manifest themselves in person's writing as well as dispositions in contemplation and action. St. John of the Cross, Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Elizabeth Leseur, Mother Teresa, Caryll Houselander all come to mind. However, three priests from my undergraduate institution come to mind, as well as a priest who I work with, the two Magdalene Sisters, and a dear mentor in Opus Dei. My crushes here are numerous, but never fickle.

3. The girl crush. The recognition of the feminine genius manifested in another woman. I have a "girl crush" on all of the women who I work with in the Art of Being a Woman, my godmother's mother, 4 colleagues, my friend from college who is a Dominican sister, my mother, a friend with an ill husband, and even some of my students. Each incarnates gentle strength and beauty in a unique way, and I can only dream of partially reflecting their light. Oh, the Magdalene Sisters go here, too.

4. The real crush. I don't need to define this. And I won't give away who mine are, just yet. :)

Who do you "crush" on?

It's Been Awhile

Well, as I told Agatha the other day on my porch, it's been awhile since I've posted. I could blame work: stacks of grading just keep getting bigger. I could blame my social life: it's been filled with coffee dates, drink dates, softball games, and work outings. I could blame any number of things. But really, I just have wanted to process my life in silence.

When we started this blog, nearly three years ago, I was just entering the "real world" after graduating with a Master's degree. There was so much to navigate: living in a new city, dating (and oh how funny those stories were), figuring out what a single life was supposed to look like, learning how to deal with bosses and colleagues, and so much more.

But now, as I get older, some of those experiences have given me answers to the questions I was previously asking, so I'm not really asking them anymore! Sure, I'm still single, but more mature and settled in my adulthood. I am still at the same job, but confident in how I have been deepening my experiences there and growing as a teacher and woman in Christ.

After a silent retreat earlier this year, I've begun to wonder whether or not to publicly process my intimate thoughts here. To be sure, I'm taken much more to prayer, and so maybe that is why I have been silent.

So, time will tell whether or not I get chatty on here again. For the time being, I keep you in my prayers!

Loves by Scott Cairns

I was introduced to the poet Scott Cairns by a friend and classmate of Julian's who is undergoing a dangerous surgery today. We'd love it, if you can, to say a quick prayer for him, his wife, his surgeons, and his family.



Magdalen’s Epistle
from Loves by Scott Cairns (via)

Of Love’s discrete occasions, we
observe sufficient catalogue,
a likely-sounding lexicon


pronounced so as to implicate
a wealth of difference, where reclines
instead a common element,


itself quite like those elements
partaken at the table served
by Jesus on the night he was


betrayed—like those in that the bread
was breakable, the wine was red
and wet, and met the tongue with bright,


intoxicating sweetness, quite
like ... wine. None of what I write arrives
to compromise that sacrament,


the mystery of spirit graved
in what is commonplace and plain—
the broken, brittle crust, the cup.


Quite otherwise, I choose instead
to bear again the news that each,
each was still itself, substantial


in the simplest sense. By now, you
will have learned of Magdalen, a name
recalled for having won a touch


of favor from the one we call
the son of man, and what you’ve heard
is true enough. I met him first


as, mute, he scribbled in the dust
to shame some village hypocrites
toward leaving me unbloodied,


if ill-disposed to taking up
again a prior circumstance.
I met him in the house of one


who was a Pharisee and not
prepared to suffer quietly
my handling of the master’s feet.


Much later, in the garden when,
having died and risen, he spoke
as to a maid and asked me why


I wept. When, at any meeting
with the Christ, was I not weeping?
For what? I only speculate


—brief inability to speak,
a weak and giddy troubling near
the throat, a wash of gratitude.


And early on, I think, some slight
abiding sense of shame, a sop
I have inferred more recently


to do without. Lush poverty!
I think that this is what I’m called
to say, this mild exhortation


that one should still abide all love’s
embarrassments, and so resist
the new temptation—dangerous,


inexpedient mask—of shame.
And, well, perhaps one other thing:
I have received some little bit


about the glib divisions which
so lately have occurred to you
as right, as necessary, fit


That the body is something less
than honorable, say, in its
... appetites? That the spirit is


something pure, and—if all goes well—
potentially unencumbered
by the body’s bawdy tastes.


This disposition, then, has led
to a banal and pious lack
of charity, and, worse, has led


more than a few to attempt some
soul-preserving severance—harsh
mortifications, manglings, all


manner of ritual excision
lately undertaken to prevent
the body’s claim upon the heart,


or mind, or (blasphemy!) spirit—
whatever name you fix upon
the supposéd bodiless.


I fear that you presume—dissecting
the person unto something less
complex. I think that you forget


you are not Greek. I think that you
forget the very issue which
induced the Christ to take on flesh.


All loves are bodily, require
that the lips part, and press their trace
of secrecy upon the one


beloved—the one, or many, endless
array whose aspects turn to face
the one who calls, the one whose choice


it was one day to lift my own
bruised body from the dust, where, it seems
to me, I must have met my death,


thereafter, this subsequent life
and late disinclination toward
simple reductions in the name


of Jesus, whose image I work
daily to retain. I have kissed
his feet. I have looked long


into the trouble of his face,
and met, in that intersection,
the sacred place—where body


and spirit both abide, both yield,
in mutual obsession. Yes,
if you’ll recall your Hebrew word.


just long enough to glimpse in its
dense figure power to produce
you’ll see as well the damage Greek


has wrought upon your tongue, stolen
from your sense of what is holy,
wholly good, fully animal—


the body which he now prepares.

Linkfest

I've got a whole pile of links waiting to be posted, so here you go:

Neat analysis of the first of Titian's famous Noli Me Tangere (above) paintings shows that originally Christ was dressed as a gardener, and his back was turned to Magdalene. Read more here.

It was once looked down upon to have a career. Then it was bad to not have a career and have lots of kids. What are we supposed to think anymore? Virginia Postrel discusses this in the WSJ. Related: Is the male-female wage gap a myth? (via First Things)

We've quoted and discussed much of Kay Hynowitz's work before. Here's a interesting interview from earlier this spring about her controversial new book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Turned Men into Boys. Related: Read her WSJ excerpt from the book.

Don't blame Ambercrombie if your girls dressing sluttily. The blame starts with the parents who fund them. So argues Pia de Solenni. And while I tend to agree, I don't think they really account enough for the profound influence of advertising and peer pressure. Related: One-third of clothes marketed to young girls are "sexy" according to a Kenyon College Study (via The Atlantic).

Since we've all been a bridesmaid way way way too many times, I wanted to suggest to you ladies this cool new service from bridesmaid company Dessy. Called New Maid you can send in your old bridesmaid dresses, and they will give you a coupon for 30% to 50% off one of their lovely LBDs. Which you really can wear again.

James Matthew Wilson has some thoughts on college administrations counseling students to live chastely.

And, after all that heavy stuff, here's a little fun via the webcomic xkcd:

Happy Birthday Jules!

Source: wetbehindthears.com via Joy on Pinterest

I wish I had something clever to say for your birthday. Let it be simply known that you never fail in generoisty of friendship, we can always count on your prayers, your support, your love. And we're not really sure how we were so lucky to get a friend like you!

--Agatha and Edith

Book Review: How to Get to I Do by Amy Bonaccorso

With all the glory and beauty of the royal wedding fresh on our brains, there seems no better time to share with you the latest book on dating and marriage on my shelf. Amy Bonaccorso's How to Get to I Do: A Dating Guide of Catholic Women published by Servant Books is a must-read for our Catholic sisters or any of our sisters who are seeking a God-centered marriage to a good man. I knew as soon as I saw the very name “Bonaccorso” that I would be in for a treat. Although my Italian is rusty, my training in Latin reminds me that "bona‟ means good and "corso‟ means way – so I felt confident that her words would be a "good way‟ to follow. And she did not disappoint, after all she successfully navigated the crazy dating world in DC!

Amy writes a witty, humorous, and very honest how-to guide for young women who are nearly in despair as they face the increasingly insane (and oftentimes seriously scary) world of dating – including Catholic dating. The book is different from other Catholic dating books because it is more realistic, modern, and often has little sections from her husband weighing in with a male voice, which is always helpful for us ladies who are constantly wondering what the men we fall for are thinking! She reminds us that to find a good man, we need to involve ourselves in social situations that will attract them like joining faith-based groups, practicing the hobbies and activities you love, and having no fear to be yourself. She encourages women to be hopeful and courageous, after all God does not want you to be a doormat for men to walk all over (see page 112 for Amy‟s take!)

Bonaccorso starts with an interesting distinction between "dating‟ and "courtship.‟ We often hear courtship praised by many of our Catholic and non-Catholic Christian compatriots as the only redeemable way to meet your future spouse. After all, isn't dating for the promiscuous, secular world? I've even heard that if you don't have sex after the third date, a man will dump you. Why should he pay for all those dinners and not get something in return? Isn't that the dating mentality? Mrs. Bonaccorso doesn't think so (that's right, she's a recent Mrs. who wrote this book to let us all know the secrets that do in fact work in finding Mr. Fabulous!) And for the record, I don‟t think dating necessarily promotes promiscuity either, but it can be tough and discouraging to see so many men who do and who seem to expect sex in return for dinner (seriously, I've met that guy).

What Amy does not like about the courtship mentality is that it often relies on fathers to choose what man they should marry regardless of her age. According to Bonaccorso, this simply is not realistic: “A thirty-five-year-old professional woman has every right to ask her father‟s opinion about a man, but she has no business asking to him to manage her relationships for her.” (p. 7)

Although I am still unsure on the actual distinction that Amy is making between "dating‟ and "courtship‟ I think I can see the point here: the courtship mentality, at least in my experience, can sometimes lead to an over-idealistic and often time unrealistic view of marriage that can actual destroy a relationship because of unfulfilled (and unfulfillable) expectations. But she is adamant that your family and friends should have no objections to your potential spouse and that he should be incorporated in your social circles of friends and family and vice versa. After all, if he isolates you from those who love you, that is a major red flag and you should run away as fast as you possibly can.

Amy also gives touches on some subjects that we don't think about don't like to think about, like: don't be afraid to attack the issue of finances with a future spouse. What's your debt and his? What would it be combined? What's your plan for paying it off? Let's be honest, many marriages end tragically because of financial struggles. She minces no words: you must be assertive in asking your future spouse about this aspect of your lives. I could not agree more. When I was engaged (and thank God I did not get married!) I found out only weeks before the intended marriage that Peter had very staggering debt. If we had married – that would have ruined our combined credit and set us up for a lifetime of hardship (not to mention the fact that he was not honest about it in the first place!)

So much of Amy's book resonated with me – even at times bringing me to tears. For example, she tells us to beware of certain "types‟ of men who prey on good women like "the dream weaver‟ who is hypersensitive, always makes you feel like you need to walk on eggshells, or seems mentally unstable. (Could she have described my ex-fiance any more accurately?) She warns of deceptive men who pretend to respect and uphold your chastity but actually seek to break you down. She experienced them and so have we. But Amy hopes that by following her advice we can recognize these ones before becoming emotionally invested. If only I'd read this earlier…

One slightly peculiar note about Bonaccorso's advice is her positive endorsement of the online dating world. Since she met her husband this way, I suppose she should certainly feel positive about it. She writes, “Online dating is the new equalizer. All are equal in cyber space: men and women, introverts and extroverts, and people from different geographic locations. Online dating makes it possible to become acquainted with individuals you never could have met otherwise.” (p.20) Amy was so insistent that the positives outweigh the negatives of online dating, that I actually tried one for a month, but was only contacted by very old men and very strange age-appropriate ones. One of them with a very scary picture sent me a message that read only “Marry me now.” Totally weird. But Amy's experience was very different and I am sure that if I tried it for a longer duration, I may have found a diamond in the rough. But for now, I am satisfied with the traditional ways of meeting people, which Bonaccorso also covers extensively.

In the final sections of the book, Amy gives advice to the newly-engaged and marriage-preparing couples. I really appreciated her take on co-habitating since so many of our generation (so frustratingly) seem to think this is a necessary pre-engagement transition. Not so! “Don't allow the pride of some co-habitating couples to sway you. Remember that people who themselves cohabitate will secretly admire your strength for living independently.” (p. 137) Bravo! She admonishes brides not to become selfish Bridezillas who think the day revolves around them. It does not. It involves not only your husband-to-be (yep, remember him?), but your families and the entire Mystical Body of Christ. We need to treat the day as such, and moreover, treat the marriage as such as!

In short, I found How to Get to I Do an engaging read with advice I wish I had earlier and am relieved and excited to have now as I re-enter the dating world stronger, wiser, and more confident about who I am and what I want. Get yourself a copy and then get one for a friend, and be confident that Bonaccorso's wise words will indeed lead you on the "good way‟ to finding your good man.

Oh That Royal Wedding

Like most women, we Magdalenes dream of weddings. And with 1/3 of the world, we too woke up and watched the glorious ceremony of Kate Middleton and Prince William. And it was beautiful, from the smiles to the music to the hats (well, Princess Beatrice's aside) and of course that unbelievably gorgeous, iconic dress (or dresses if you count the one she wore at her reception). Her veil and tiara were utterly stunning.

It really was a beautiful wedding and you could sense the glorious joy for the bride and groom that was shared all over the world. Little tidbits I loved? How Prince Harry looked back at Kate when she arrived with her father at the Abbey and gave his brother an update ("Wait until you see her!", he purportedly whispered.) Then Prince William, beaming when he saw her whispered, "You look beautiful." And indeed she did. I also loved how he had some trouble putting the ring on her finger and if you notice, he was rubbing her finger afterward to make sure she was ok. That was sweet. And who could forget Kate's "Wow" when she saw the millions outside Buckingham Palace to see her and William? And the royal kiss - I did not care about that so much as the William's bashful, rouge-faced smile and Kate's smiling nose scrunch afterward.



I also loved the icons of Christ Pantocrator and I think Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Who thought you'd see that in Westminster Abbey? I was surprised at how much I actually liked the homily, address, and reading chosen by the couple. And I realized how much I really like the language used in the Anglican liturgy (for example, the word 'betwixt' is awesome.) But I admit, as soon as I heard the "Dearly beloved we are gathered here in the sight of God and this congregation," all I could think about was the last scene (double wedding) in the Firth/Ehle version of Pride and Prejudice. Call me cheesy, but it's the truth.

To those haters who said they could care less about the wedding, I reply that Britain really needed the patriotic boost and given all the insanity of the world today, who could help it but rejoice with this lovely couple? However, there is one thing that has been bugging me about the whole thing. Call me old fashioned, but Kate and William openly lived together for the last four years. And I think that is a scandal. What's more is that Grandma Queen Elizabeth ok'ed it (and footed the bill, which probably means that British tax dollars actually paid for it) And Archbishop of York Dr. John Sentamu also backed this decision, saying:

"We are living at a time where some people, as my daughter used to say, they want to test whether the milk is good before they buy the cow,” he said. “For some people that’s where their journeys are.

Yep, he really said it. How sad. Given the fact that Diana needed to have her virginity confirmed (and call me a crazy feminist, but I think this terrible too), it seems crazy that Grandma Elizabeth allowed and was complicit in William and Kate playing house. I am certain that the all-too-proper Queen Victoria at least was rolling in her grave.

Why does this bother me so much? Well, I came across this article by Anne Morse who reminds us about that nagging little fact that couples who cohabitate are 2/3 more likely to divorce than those who do not. And given the rocky record of William's parents, no one wants to see another nasty break up. However, it is quite evident that the couple care deeply for each other, and if they follow the advice given to them in one of their ceremony addresses about sacrificial love and seeking Christ in their marriage, then I am hopeful that we will not see an ugly divorce.

I also hope we will surround the couple in even more prayer than we did hoopla and media coverage for their wedding day. For their journey as man and wife has just begun, and we certainly wish them a life time of joy and happiness. My personal prayer for William and Kate is not only that they spend their long years in a glorious and happy marriage, but that in a few years time, we'll see Royal family photos of the two of them, surrounded by at least as many cherub faced children of their own as they had in their wedding.



Photo Credit 1

Photo Credit 2

Photo Credit 3

Prayers and Passing

Dear Readers,

What a roller coaster holy week and Easter week. My birthday was on Good Friday, but on Holy Tuesday my dear Grandmother took a turn for the worse. At 94 and having survived 2 strokes that left her speechless and wheelchair bound, we were simply all amazed at her enduring joy and resilience. The 9 day vigil began - and my Grandmother passed away yesterday, Easter Thursday at about 11:15 PM.

We had so many beautiful moments together and her own 'passion' was united to Christ in such a special way and I am confident in God's mercy upon her soul. Please keep her in your prayers.

There are so many glorious things I need to blog about: including a book review, the royal wedding (and don't worry, I will get to the royal wedding tomorrow or tonight!!) But now, I am exhausted, so I ask for your prayers.

We Wish You...

...A Blessed Triduum. May you and your loved ones know the love of Christ more deeply at this time.

A Hermit in Maryland?

Who could resist wanting to know someone with such a joyful face? That's Sr. Mary Veronica of the Holy Face--one of two canonical hermits in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. Margaret Canabiss of Inside Catholic recently interviewed Sr. Mary Veronica:

t's a very contemplative lifestyle. It's not an easy life -- you give up the world. We're still in the world but not of the world. There's a lot of self-discipline involved: Other religious are in community, so they'd go to prayer together, while I go to prayer by myself. You have to touch base with someone to make sure you're staying on target and not going off the deep end in the woods by yourself -- a spiritual director, a confessor. I touch base with my pastor occasionally. So you're a loner, although you're not really a lone ranger.

The funny thing is, you don't realize that there are hermits out there until you become one, and then this whole world opens up. You find out that there are hermits everywhere, all over the world. They're not all canonical, they're not all Roman Catholic, but they're out there.

...

My husband John used to say, "If anything happens to me, Mary's probably going in the convent," so I think some people were expecting it more than I was. But it's still been hard for them. My son and his wife have been very supportive from the very beginning, but they just had a baby, and they live five minutes away. . . It would be so easy if I packed my bag and went to the train station and kissed everybody goodbye, but that didn't happen -- I'm still in the neighborhood. I can see them occasionally, if they come for a visit, but they can't stay for the whole day.

I gave up all of that to pray -- to live in silence and solitude and simplicity. However, I can be in contact with people: I have an e-mail address and I'm in contact with other hermits and with my son. I have a phone, but after my family and friends came to my profession Mass, it stopped ringing. I think then people really understood a lot more.

What a remarkable witness. Read the whole interview.

Just One Click...

....and a Magdalene Sisters loyal reader could win her dream wedding! Consider taking a second a voting for one of my dearest friends who has seen me through the single life. :)

Love you, L!

Prayer Request

Will you kindly pray for my father? He has to have surgery soon. I sincerely appreciate it!

Blessings,

Julian

Hello, Hemlines

Well, thank the Dear Lord. Designers are showcasing longer hemlines that are not only more modest, but definitely more figure-flattering for the normal-sized woman. I've got to be honest. The past few spring and summer seasons have been tough. I have loved the feminine details that are emerging...the flowers, petals, jewels, and ruffles that made their way onto dresses and cardigans...but the hemlines were significantly above the knee, making tights nearly always a necessity. Let's be honest...who wants to wear leggings or tights in the summer? Not me. And if you're like me, the lower part of your leg is an asset, while the upper should remain hidden all year round. And even though designers really embraced defining the waist, which is flattering for every woman, the hemlines still crept higher and higher.


While I've been on spring break, I've been flipping through magazines, watching What Not to Wear, and getting myself to the stores with sales, riding this trend of longer hemlines and loving every minute of it. Even pants are starting to get a higher waist and a more flattering line down the leg. Throw out those board shorts from the past years ladies, because sleek, Audrey Hepburn-like pants that grace the ankle are back in. I would say the big A word to celebrate, but it's Lent, so...Praise the Lord!


My picks for dresses:

I bought this one!

I want this one.

Next paycheck.

My picks for skirts:

Everything you could ever want.

Splurge.

Hello, beautiful.

My picks for tops and accessories:

Figure-flattering.

Random, but fun.
Love scarves!

Archbishop Dolan is a Rockstar!

Check out this great video clip of the archbishop. What a gift to us!!!

Lent

So, I don't know much about the temperaments , but I do know that I am at least in part very melancholic. I mean, I wrote a graduate thesis on purgative suffering and its relation to hope, for goodness' sake. When given the choice, I always choose to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary. And I really love Lent. I am drawn to think of our Lord on the Cross. Not sad, not emo, just a thinker, I guess.

Yesterday I went to my parish's Stations of the Cross, and I just simply fell in love all over again with this tradition. I love the Stabat Mater, I love the genuflecting, I love the meditation on redemption found throughout the Scriptures and how they are perfected in Christ. So, here are some things I'm using to help me with my meditation. Perhaps they will be of help to you, too!

1. A Holy Hour. If you can get to Him, go!

2. Bach's Passion of St. Matthew. This just gets me right in the zone.

3. Danielle Rose's Mysteries CD: especially the reflection on the Agony in the Garden.

4. Praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary with Immaculee Ilibagiza.

Prayers for a deepened encounter with the crucified Christ!

Clearing the Desk Linkfest

Sorry for my extreme silence on the blog. Life has been busy. But I've piled up a big list of links to share with you all, and am finally together enough to post them. I am so glad Julian brought up the Kay Hymowitz article, and will write my thoughts about it shortly. But I wanted to clear the decks first of all these piled up links. The final 3 have something to do with the Hymowitz article, too.

NOBODY GETS MARRIED ANYMORE by Gerry Garibaldi, City Journal:

Here’s my prediction: the money, the reforms, the gleaming porcelain, the hopeful rhetoric about saving our children—all of it will have a limited impact, at best, on most city schoolchildren. Urban teachers face an intractable problem, one that we cannot spend or even teach our way out of: teen pregnancy. This year, all of my favorite girls are pregnant, four in all, future unwed mothers every one. There will be no innovation in this quarter, no race to the top. Personal moral accountability is the electrified rail that no politician wants to touch.

ZIONIST SECT MARRIES GAY MEN TO LESBIAN WOMAN, by Yair Ettinger, Haaretz via First Things:

Rabbis from the religious Zionist community have launched an initiative to marry gay men to lesbian women - with some surprising successes.

...Etti and Roni, both religious, were married five years ago. Though they were honest with each other about their sexual orientations from their first meeting, to the outside world, they portray themselves as a normal heterosexual couple. Today, they have two children, and are thrilled with the results.

"It's incredible," they wrote. "Six years ago, we didn't think we would ever be this happy. We thought everything was black, that we'd lost our chance of a normal life. But today, things are good for us. There are gaps, but that's true in every case. And we fill them with the great love we give to and receive from our children, and also enjoy the simple human love we give each other, such as any two people can give and receive."

SLACKING AS SELF DISCOVERY by Rita Koganzon in The New Atlantis:

Extrapolating primarily from the statistics on the increasing age of marriage and childbearing in the United States and refusing to lament them, Arnett argues forcefully that emerging adulthood is a positive development. Free from external constraints (and often supported financially by their parents), twentysomethings have the opportunity to try an array of temporary jobs, relationships, educational paths, and residences to find which of these are most to their preference. In winnowing down the options, they are also able to “find themselves,” a discovery that will serve them well as adults, assuming they ever decide to become adults. Armed with the self-knowledge gained from a decade of working at Starbucks, joining the Peace Corps, and sharing a basement studio in Brooklyn with four other emerging adults, those at the end of emerging adulthood will better make the family and career decisions they had been putting off, resulting in a future of greater life satisfaction and stability.

...If this all sounds a bit confused, fluffy, and New Agey, Robin Marantz Henig, the author of the Times Magazine piece, has Arnett’s studies and vague neuroscientific speculation about brain maturation to back it up. Emerging adulthood, she argues, isn’t merely a description of the way a narrow sliver of affluent and well-educated people are choosing to spend their twenties, but a seismic shift that will have political consequences.

THE POWERLESSNESS OF THE SINGLE WOMAN by Drs. J.R. Bruns and R.A. Richards II, in Psycology Today:

These same forbidden themes of women's desire for marriage and their frustrations with men and dating have been box office magic in recent "Chick Lit" movies like "Bridget Jones Diary " and "Sex In The City". Feelings of fear, powerlessness and alienation are safely released as long as it is in fiction or pictured on the silver screen.

It turns out that today's liberated women want to marry. The problem, as Whitehead points out, is that the social infrastructure that was designed to help young women meet marriageable men no longer exists. Once upon a time the American courtship rituals of the Senior Prom and sorority formals accomplished their task of getting young men and women paired off. That era disappeared along with platform shows, bell bottom pants and mood rings.

Since many women are pursuing marriage after they have left high school and college with their pool of available men, these single women must take on this chore by themselves. Instead of dating and mating with men they grew up with or at least shared classes with, many are now dating and mating with strangers.

This new system is tailor-made for the mirage man. He doesn't even have to promise young single women to go steady to achieve his short term goals. He either "hooks up" or is "joined at the hip." The "hook up" is friends with benefits, meaning sex without commitment. The other option is "joined at the hip", where a couple that doesn't know each other very well commits to a sexual relationship and spends all their time together. Neither hooking up or being joined at the hip leads to many strong relationships that can weather the storms of life...

SEX IS CHEAP by Mark Regnerus in Slate:

We keep hearing that young men are failing to adapt to contemporary life. Their financial prospects are impaired—earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971. Their college enrollment numbers trail women's: Only 43 percent of American undergraduates today are men. Last year, women made up the majority of the work force for the first time. And yet there is one area in which men are very much in charge: premarital heterosexual relationships.

When attractive women will still bed you, life for young men, even those who are floundering, just isn't so bad.

ON DATING NICE CATHOLIC GIRLS by Max Lindeman on Patheos:

I was approaching carved-wood status, though not quietly, when I met—really met—my first nice Catholic girl. It was at a vocational discernment retreat. I was standing on the monastery porch, peering through the French doors toward the living room, wondering whether I should bolt now and apologize later, or vice-versa. I heard tires on gravel. Turning, I saw a girl step out of a Honda wearing a tight pair of jeans. They were not, I hasten to add, skinny jeans; they were cut '80s-style, high at the waist.
When the girl faced me, I saw that her glasses, too, were cut in the style of the Reagan Revolution: square, in every sense. But her legs—timeless. Perhaps her ensemble seems to spell out a mixed message? Not for me. I read: I am beautiful, but either don't know, or don't care.

Why, you could be my vocation, I thought, as she skipped past me, smiling.

It's moments like this when I love the Church. The world condemns bolts of magical thinking as lunacy. The Church dignifies them as the beginning of discernment. In I went.