Three 20-something women trying to figure out what it means to be lay, Catholic, and modern all at once.

June 15, 2010

Date Night Dilemma


I'm going out on a date tomorrow night, but all I know is the following: I'm being picked up at my house at 7:30.

Does this mean dinner? If so, what is the dress code?

A friend recommended that I consider dressing "smart casual," as the British say. I think that she's right. But what if it's not dinner? I mean, what else could it be though, right? People in their twenties and thirties are usually hungry around that hour...

Also, not to stress too much, but if it is dinner, he doesn't know about my allergy to gluten. What if he's planning something nice that involves gluten? What do I say? Seriously, only me! :)


Gardenia said...

when he picks you up and you are settled with him (i.e. in his car and he's driving out of the driveway (or if you invited him inside first, after he sits down) why not just ask him what he has planned. if he says generically, dinner, that's great,b/c you can then tell him about your allergy before he tells you the name of the restaurant. but if he says "Dinner at Sal's restaurant" and sal's is not good, then you should still tell him. and then -- I know you will -- have a suggested alternative place you can offer. and the smart casual link says there's debate about whether jeans are included in the defn. I would recommend no jeans. funny, you may be able to tell alot of him by the way he dresses when he picks you up. have fun.

Angela Miceli said...

I second Gardenia - or you could just shoot him a text and ask him? or is that too direct?

Joe (Defend Us In Battle) said...

As a guy let me give MY THOUGHTS on the subject... on what I would expect if I did the same:

1. Attire: Can't go wrong with a dress or skirt. Unless we are talking evening gown (which I would not suggest) you can't go wrong. Obviously modest... but a skirt or dress says, "I am excited, I want to look nice, and I expect you to treat me like a lady." I guess this fits in the Smart Casual niche.

2. If... by some chance he planned to take you mountain climbing, where you will be picked up by a helicopter and then parachuting out... he should supply clothes for that.

3. If it is something exciting... or "non-dinner-ish" you are all set with the gluten situation... in fact this might help. That being said, eat lightly before 7:30

4. If You ARE going to dinner and are worried about the gluten thing. Couple things: First, he needs to be able to adapt. If he planned something, GLUTEN-ESQUE... it will either turn into him FOLDING under the pressure, or a cute and romantic "story" of the kind that you tell years from now to your children, about how their dad totally stumbled through the first date but pushed on to the point of redemption. Second, eat lightly beforehand... 530ish? Some soup or something where you can still eat a meal... but not starve, if forementioned GLUTEN DISASTER comes to fruition and he planned the meal for some island where only Gluten is grown.

5. As they say in the Marines: "Adapt and Overcome." If this guy can't roll with the waves, and make it an enjoyable, albeit hectic, night regardless of what you throw at him... he isn't worth date #2. Any first date that is worth anything... should be able to occur in a nice dress or skirt... and go on without a hitch with or without an allergy. If not... he should have prepapred otherwise and informed you.

Julian said...

Thanks to all! I'll keep you posted :)

Paul said...

Just ask him. All this guessing is a little silly.

If it is dinner, and you've got the gluten thing to think about, it kinda sucks for him if he's already picked a place that doesn't work, and he only finds that out at the last minute (could really throw him for a loop)--of course, it would be his fault for not being more communicative in the first place...

And eating ahead of time would be a real bummer if he's taking you to dinner. Assuming he takes you somewhere worthy, what a shame it would be to not have a proper appetite! (Or if there's no dinner and you're hungry, that could wreck other plans...)

I have to disagree with Joe. It's nice to say he should adapt if needed, but without knowing what he's planned or not planned, that's really not fair to him. He may have invested a lot of energy, a lot of himself, into his plans (one would hope!). Honestly, you two should be talking ahead to work out any details--and whether you're eating dinner or not is so basic...

If all goes well, dating eventually leads to marriage, and I believe the habits of communication (or lack thereof) that are established early on in a relationship affect communication later. My two cents for what they're worth.

Aaron said...

It's after the fact now, but it strikes me that these sort of things are some of the signs of the durability of a relationship. Some people like straightforwardness (what their critics would call "bluntness") while others prefer various permutations of tact ("beating around the bush," to the critics).

I don't know that there's an objectively right or wrong way to handle these kind of situations. But there are ways that work for two people and ways that don't. Working through these kind of things may be one of the most valuable thing about dating.

Aaron said...

And let me add, for the record, that I've always eaten by 7:30pm. I'd be famished - nigh passed out - by then under ordinary circumstances without supper. So never assume that your meal times are the same as others'.

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