July 17, 2009
It is a fact universally acknowledged that every girl on the face of the earth has already planned their wedding.
Now, I've been in a lot of weddings, and had more friends get married than I can keep track of. So not only do I have a list of things I want (my mother's roses, tulle, little jars of homemade jam as favors, sparklers), I also have a list of things I absolutely forbid. And they all revolve around one thing: The Bridesmaid Dress.
This is the single most argued about and hated element of a wedding. It's too expensive, too ugly, too dated, too fancy, too everything to be just right. I've been in 4 weddings, and been lucky enough to only have one dress I hated. But of the other three there was only one that I loved--the others were just beautiful, but they were the Bride's style, not mine.
Here are the rules:
1) Don't pick a satin wedding dress, unless you're willing to pay for good satin. You know, really good satin
2) Unless you're a princess, and your wedding might be confused with the opening gala of the Metropolitan opera, don't make us wear full length dresses. Even if they're as beautiful as this.
3) Pastels will always look like prom. Especially if the dresses are long (see rule #2) or made of cheap fabric (see rule #1).
4) You chose us for US. If at all possible let us style our hair as we like, and choose our own shoes. Seriously.
5) And speaking of accessories, women no longer wear gloves. It's a shame, I know. I frequently wish we did. But if you're going to bring them back for your wedding, then here's what you should know: they should be white, and made of cotton, linen, silk, kid-leather or very fine crocheted lace--only natural fibers! They should not be colored. They should not be satin. They should not be stretchy polyester. And most of all they should not be fuschia fingerless satin with applique and ruching
6) You might as well know, no matter how much we like the dress, honestly, we won't wear it again. All but the most beautiful and expensive bridesmiad dresses still look like bridesmaid dresses.
What's the good news? It's one of the big mysteries of life, but, even if you do choose a cheap-satin full-length pastel-green dress with polyester ruched gloves, and matching shoes--we'll probably look beautiful anyway. Because, let's face it, we're the frame, and you're the masterpiece. And we're glad to be there for you.
(Just don't be offended when we give it away afterward.)