We all need little reminders about who God is. I got mine a couple of days ago. I have been praying for an understanding as to why God allowed me to waste my emotions and my time on a person who never really loved me and never wanted to marry me. On the very day that I was engaged last year, August 3, the Holy Spirit moved the heart of one of Peter's friends to write me an email. She grew up with Peter since Kindergarten and was supposed to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, or "the phantom wedding" as I now, sort of with a dark smile, refer to it.
Anyway, she wrote me telling me that she wants to become a Catholic and wanted some advice on what to read, what to do, etc. That was a very powerful moment for me, because she wrote to me even though she knows plenty of Catholics in very Catholic South Louisiana. So this is what I told God: "Dear God, if all You give me from this awful experience with Peter was a chance to give his friend one word that will bring her closer to your Church, then I guess I'll have to admit (but can I do so with a huff and maybe an eye roll...) that it was all worth it. Ok, no huff or eye roll. Drawing people to you is what we are all here to do. I accept. But please let the next guy be a good one, and no more devastating heart breaks would really be ideal! But that thanks for answering my prayers! Edith."
Yes, God is powerful. And my dear namesake St. Edith Stein says that "Whoever lives in the strong faith that nothing happens without the knowledge and will of God is not easily disconcerted by astonishing occurrences or upset by the hardest of blows." I guess despite myself or my feelings, God revealed to me what that means. I am sure it was through her prayers. All is in the hands of He who IS, and I just continually need to learn what that means. But it is a long journey indeed! Pray for me and pray for my friend - and also, pray for Peter too.
August 6, 2010
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2 comments:
Dear Edith, this post was poignant. I too suffered a heart ache though he and i were not engaged, so likely not anything close to your experiece. But in the early part of our dating, he converted to Catholicism (because of me, he said) and after much prayer following the break up, I believe that that is the reason why Our Lord had our paths cross. And I prayed fervently that I would not be angry -- those five stages of grief. and Our Lord gave me graces to lessen the anger stage. not trying to give advice here. Not trying to say "I know how you feel" -- don't we loathe when people say that. Just sharing an experience that certainly deepened my prayer life. blessings.
God bless you, Edith, and this friend, and Peter. You are all in my prayers. And I thank you for this reminder about trusting in God's omnipotent plan always.
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