Linkfest

I've got a whole pile of links waiting to be posted, so here you go:

Neat analysis of the first of Titian's famous Noli Me Tangere (above) paintings shows that originally Christ was dressed as a gardener, and his back was turned to Magdalene. Read more here.

It was once looked down upon to have a career. Then it was bad to not have a career and have lots of kids. What are we supposed to think anymore? Virginia Postrel discusses this in the WSJ. Related: Is the male-female wage gap a myth? (via First Things)

We've quoted and discussed much of Kay Hynowitz's work before. Here's a interesting interview from earlier this spring about her controversial new book Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Turned Men into Boys. Related: Read her WSJ excerpt from the book.

Don't blame Ambercrombie if your girls dressing sluttily. The blame starts with the parents who fund them. So argues Pia de Solenni. And while I tend to agree, I don't think they really account enough for the profound influence of advertising and peer pressure. Related: One-third of clothes marketed to young girls are "sexy" according to a Kenyon College Study (via The Atlantic).

Since we've all been a bridesmaid way way way too many times, I wanted to suggest to you ladies this cool new service from bridesmaid company Dessy. Called New Maid you can send in your old bridesmaid dresses, and they will give you a coupon for 30% to 50% off one of their lovely LBDs. Which you really can wear again.

James Matthew Wilson has some thoughts on college administrations counseling students to live chastely.

And, after all that heavy stuff, here's a little fun via the webcomic xkcd:

Book Review: How to Get to I Do by Amy Bonaccorso

With all the glory and beauty of the royal wedding fresh on our brains, there seems no better time to share with you the latest book on dating and marriage on my shelf. Amy Bonaccorso's How to Get to I Do: A Dating Guide of Catholic Women published by Servant Books is a must-read for our Catholic sisters or any of our sisters who are seeking a God-centered marriage to a good man. I knew as soon as I saw the very name “Bonaccorso” that I would be in for a treat. Although my Italian is rusty, my training in Latin reminds me that "bona‟ means good and "corso‟ means way – so I felt confident that her words would be a "good way‟ to follow. And she did not disappoint, after all she successfully navigated the crazy dating world in DC!

Amy writes a witty, humorous, and very honest how-to guide for young women who are nearly in despair as they face the increasingly insane (and oftentimes seriously scary) world of dating – including Catholic dating. The book is different from other Catholic dating books because it is more realistic, modern, and often has little sections from her husband weighing in with a male voice, which is always helpful for us ladies who are constantly wondering what the men we fall for are thinking! She reminds us that to find a good man, we need to involve ourselves in social situations that will attract them like joining faith-based groups, practicing the hobbies and activities you love, and having no fear to be yourself. She encourages women to be hopeful and courageous, after all God does not want you to be a doormat for men to walk all over (see page 112 for Amy‟s take!)

Bonaccorso starts with an interesting distinction between "dating‟ and "courtship.‟ We often hear courtship praised by many of our Catholic and non-Catholic Christian compatriots as the only redeemable way to meet your future spouse. After all, isn't dating for the promiscuous, secular world? I've even heard that if you don't have sex after the third date, a man will dump you. Why should he pay for all those dinners and not get something in return? Isn't that the dating mentality? Mrs. Bonaccorso doesn't think so (that's right, she's a recent Mrs. who wrote this book to let us all know the secrets that do in fact work in finding Mr. Fabulous!) And for the record, I don‟t think dating necessarily promotes promiscuity either, but it can be tough and discouraging to see so many men who do and who seem to expect sex in return for dinner (seriously, I've met that guy).

What Amy does not like about the courtship mentality is that it often relies on fathers to choose what man they should marry regardless of her age. According to Bonaccorso, this simply is not realistic: “A thirty-five-year-old professional woman has every right to ask her father‟s opinion about a man, but she has no business asking to him to manage her relationships for her.” (p. 7)

Although I am still unsure on the actual distinction that Amy is making between "dating‟ and "courtship‟ I think I can see the point here: the courtship mentality, at least in my experience, can sometimes lead to an over-idealistic and often time unrealistic view of marriage that can actual destroy a relationship because of unfulfilled (and unfulfillable) expectations. But she is adamant that your family and friends should have no objections to your potential spouse and that he should be incorporated in your social circles of friends and family and vice versa. After all, if he isolates you from those who love you, that is a major red flag and you should run away as fast as you possibly can.

Amy also gives touches on some subjects that we don't think about don't like to think about, like: don't be afraid to attack the issue of finances with a future spouse. What's your debt and his? What would it be combined? What's your plan for paying it off? Let's be honest, many marriages end tragically because of financial struggles. She minces no words: you must be assertive in asking your future spouse about this aspect of your lives. I could not agree more. When I was engaged (and thank God I did not get married!) I found out only weeks before the intended marriage that Peter had very staggering debt. If we had married – that would have ruined our combined credit and set us up for a lifetime of hardship (not to mention the fact that he was not honest about it in the first place!)

So much of Amy's book resonated with me – even at times bringing me to tears. For example, she tells us to beware of certain "types‟ of men who prey on good women like "the dream weaver‟ who is hypersensitive, always makes you feel like you need to walk on eggshells, or seems mentally unstable. (Could she have described my ex-fiance any more accurately?) She warns of deceptive men who pretend to respect and uphold your chastity but actually seek to break you down. She experienced them and so have we. But Amy hopes that by following her advice we can recognize these ones before becoming emotionally invested. If only I'd read this earlier…

One slightly peculiar note about Bonaccorso's advice is her positive endorsement of the online dating world. Since she met her husband this way, I suppose she should certainly feel positive about it. She writes, “Online dating is the new equalizer. All are equal in cyber space: men and women, introverts and extroverts, and people from different geographic locations. Online dating makes it possible to become acquainted with individuals you never could have met otherwise.” (p.20) Amy was so insistent that the positives outweigh the negatives of online dating, that I actually tried one for a month, but was only contacted by very old men and very strange age-appropriate ones. One of them with a very scary picture sent me a message that read only “Marry me now.” Totally weird. But Amy's experience was very different and I am sure that if I tried it for a longer duration, I may have found a diamond in the rough. But for now, I am satisfied with the traditional ways of meeting people, which Bonaccorso also covers extensively.

In the final sections of the book, Amy gives advice to the newly-engaged and marriage-preparing couples. I really appreciated her take on co-habitating since so many of our generation (so frustratingly) seem to think this is a necessary pre-engagement transition. Not so! “Don't allow the pride of some co-habitating couples to sway you. Remember that people who themselves cohabitate will secretly admire your strength for living independently.” (p. 137) Bravo! She admonishes brides not to become selfish Bridezillas who think the day revolves around them. It does not. It involves not only your husband-to-be (yep, remember him?), but your families and the entire Mystical Body of Christ. We need to treat the day as such, and moreover, treat the marriage as such as!

In short, I found How to Get to I Do an engaging read with advice I wish I had earlier and am relieved and excited to have now as I re-enter the dating world stronger, wiser, and more confident about who I am and what I want. Get yourself a copy and then get one for a friend, and be confident that Bonaccorso's wise words will indeed lead you on the "good way‟ to finding your good man.

Am I in My Prime?

I have to admit, when I picked up The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie at a book sale, I was so excited. The character was a single woman teaching at an all-girls' school. "Alright," I thought, "let's see if it comes close to my real life."

Well, upon completion, I sure hope it doesn't!

It only takes a few pages to realize Jean is love with socialism, is self-absorbed, and in my opinion, is completely manipulative. If any of these are ever spoken of me, I'd be ready to throw in the towel! Apart from having young pupils obsessed with my romantic life, I can find little comparison.

What I do wonder though, is if Miss Brodie is right that a woman has a "prime" of her life. As she describes it, "One's prime is the moment one was born for." Now, according to Brodie, this prime may last several years (or for her, however long her particular time at Marcia Blaine were to last). I find myself wanting to redeem her, and so I want to say that she is right in some respect. Perhaps there is a certain period in our lives that stands out from all of the rest. But is it when we have the most vitality? The most beauty? Truth? Goodness? Wisdom? Sexual attractiveness? (The latter I would say is argued by Brodie in her retelling of her romantic escapades as well as something embraced by our culture). What do you think?

On the other side, I'm not sure this idea of a prime totally jives with a Catholic anthropology. Even if we were to think of a prime as a vocation, we can be called to do many things during our lives. And let's say we're only called to one: I would say you'd be hard-pressed to find a priest who didn't say his understanding and experience of his own vocation didn't change or deepen, just like that of a wife, mother, husband, father, teacher, or anyone else's would. Can one whose whole life is laid out before God at the Final Judgment remind her Maker of her "prime"? Would it stand out to God? Would not the entirety of our lives, even the ordinariness, have meaning?

I have to say, too, that if a prime exists, I don't want mine to be right now. And maybe Brodie would say it couldn't be, since I don't experience it as the time in my life that I was born for.

My last suspicion is that Brodie was just trying to convince herself after her failures in relationships, dissatisfaction with the government, and overall inability to break out of a melancholic and pensive state that her life was okay, and that everything was working out as it should. Was she just trying to convince herself that all was well (or even exceedingly well)? And if so, how many times do we also fall prey to this? Maybe Miss Jean Brodie does have a lesson to teach us after all.

Recommended Read or Re-Read

Yesterday I had the pleasure of discussing C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces at my monthly book club, and it was perhaps the most inspiring conversation that I've had in a long time. I cannot recommend enough how important this book is for the feminine heart as well as the Christian heart.

The first time I read the book, I was frustrated and confused by the plot and the point, but my second read was an incredible experience, and I was able to mine the book for these great and small treasures that apply to my life and my journey to God. I have learned anew about the nature of love -- the ugliness of love which is possessive, the purity of obedience, the prudence in waiting to speak about one's love for another if it will not help that person, the nature of charity, the feminine tendency to veil and mask her real self, and so much more. I was listening to Peter Kreeft's lecture on the book, and he says that even in his sixth reading of the book (!) he was still uncovering deeper meaning in the tale.

I cannot recommend this enough. Stop what you're doing now and go get it.

Brief Book Review: Bees

I just finished reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I realize I'm several years behind the book craze and a few years behind the release of the movie, but I tend to stick with classic literature unless something in the bookstore really draws my attention. My students read it during one of their earlier high school years for summer reading, so I thought I'd check out "what the kids are into." It was 50 cents at a booksale, too. Okay, I'm done.

The book was entertaining enough, and certainly easy to read on the train, where I tackled the first half, and on the beach, where I rounded it out this week. However, I have mixed feelings about what the author did with the Blessed Virgin, who plays a significant role in the narrative. She does make it clear that the characters were raised Catholic but definitely practice their own brand of religion. However, Our Lady becomes a Christ-like figure at one point in the novel, making me mroe than a little uncomfortable. Again, the author makes it clear that this is NOT a Catholic practice, but I couldn't help but wonder if Protestants or non-Catholics who were reading the book had their stereotypes of us confirmed or exaggerated.

Has anyone else read it and had similar fears?

What is on Your Summer Bucket List?

Single ladies -- it's that time of year to make a mini-bucket list! And what better time to check things off than the summer months. Here's what is on my bucket list:

- Go to three concerts this summer. I LOVE music. And I love sharing the experience of music with other people. Agatha and I are going to one together. So now I just need to find two more :)

- Read fiction! I'm working on the Secret Life of Bees right now (got it at a booksale for 50 cents), but I also need to re-read Til We Have Faces for a book club. And I'd like to read Anna Karenina since my seniors read it for English. Not exactly beach reading, but I'd like to tie it into my lectures in the fall. Any other suggestions of great fiction?

- Go tubing or white-water rafting. It just seems like a summer thing to do.

- Visit this shrine.

- Perfect at least five new recipes this summer...not only meals but drinks, desserts, and appetizers.

What do YOU have in mind?

For the Bookshelf: The Reed of God

I can't let this week go by without recommending The Reed of God by Caryll Houselander. Agatha has introduced us to her before, and I was so excited to begin it for my book club. I'm only two chapters in and I'm recommending it, so take that into consideration before buying it...but definitely get it from a library!

Houselander's reflection on the Blessed Mother is one of the most moving that I've read since True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort. She almost says what has always been on my own tongue, but that which I was never able to say:

When I was a small child someone for whom I had a great respect told me never to do anything that Our Lady would not do; for, she said, if I did, the angels in heaven would blush. For a short time this advice "took" in me like an inoculation, causing a positive paralysis of piety. It was clear to me that all those things which spelt joy to me were from henceforward taboo -- blacking my face with burnt cork, turning somersaults between props against the garden wall -- all that was over! But even if I faced a blank future shackled with respectability, it was still impossible to imagine Our Lady doing anything that I would do, for the very simple reason that I could not imagine her doing anything at all.

...This would not be worth recording but for one thing, namely, that the wrong conception of Our Lady which I had is one that a great many other people have, too; that she is someone who would never do anything that we do...For many she is the Madonna of the Christmas card, immobile, seated forever in the immaculately clean stable of golden straw and shining snow. She is not real; nothing about her is real, not even the stable in which Love was born.

...Each saint has his special work: one person's work. But our Lady had to include in her vocation, in her life's work, the essential thing that was to be hidden in every other vocation, in every life. The one thing that she did and does is the one thing that we all have to do, namely, to bear Christ into the world.

Heading Through the Looking-Glass

In an attempt to critically view Tim Burton's upcoming film, I've decided that my next novel is going to be Alice in Wonderland (and most likely Through the Looking-Glass) by Lewis Carroll. I figure that it will be a nice break from the heavy mental and emotional-lifting that I do while reading for my theology and bioethics courses at school, and really, it's about time that I start tackling the books I own instead of continuing to buy more! As a sidenote, I am not so much looking forward to another creepy Johnny Depp performance as I am to seeing Mia Wasikowska portray Alice. She played Sophie in the first season of the HBO series In Treatment, and she blew me away!

Lessons from Mother Teresa

Day after day, hour after hour, He asks the same question: "Will thou refuse to do this for Me?" -- Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light

My spiritual book of the month is the now-famous book of the letters of Mother Teresa which were published in 2007. Though I bought it when it was first made available, I am not really getting around to it until now. I like to think that the Holy Spirit directs me to read certain books that I have on my shelf when I need them the most. (Maybe I'm just justifying the fact that I buy too many to read right away.) For some reason, I picked this off the shelf and am making my way through it and hopefully finishing before the new year begins. So far, three things have stood out to me:

1) I am so struck by the difficulty Mother Teresa faced in starting the Missionaries of Charity. It is incredible how many letters she wrote to get it off the ground with Rome. She was completely faithful to the process and to her superiors, but she refused to quit her pleading. I can see her digging her heels into the ground in Loreto, foregoing despair and holding onto her conviction. It's a beautiful image I have in my mind, and an example to us all. She had every confidence that Jesus would work through the process of obeying authority (a good reminder for me at work!).

2) She describes the imperative from Jesus to start the Missionaries of Charity as a "call within a call." I think this is perhaps the most important contribution to the theology of vocations that we've had in a long time. It's easy to break down the vocations into single, religious, or married, and to leave them at that. But every vocation, whether single, married, or religious, or the vocation to work or to serve...all have little "calls within the larger call." How many times does God shatter the image of our own vocation by introducing something new into it and calling us to something unexpected?

3) Mother Teresa's discussion of cheerfulness is one of the most beautiful that I've read. In fact, when asked why type of woman would be recruited for the M.C., she answered, "Girls from the age of16 and upwards. -- Strong in body and mind with splenty of common sense. -- They must be able to put their hands to any kind of work however repugnant to human nature. They must be of bright, cheerful disposition."

Earlier in the book, she describes what she means by cheerfulness. I think it's written for me!

"When I see someone sad," she would say, "I always think, she is refusing something to Jesus." It was in giving Jesus whatever He asked that she found her deepest and lasting joy; in giving Him joy she found her own joy. "Cheerfulness is a sign of a generous and mortified person who forgetting all things, even herself, tries to please her God in all she does for souls. Cheerfulness is often a cloak which hides a life of sacrifice, continual union with God, fervor and generosity. A person who has this gift of cheerfulness very often reaches a great height of perfection. For God loves a cheerful giver and He takes close to His heart the religious He loves.

Books on Marriage

Just a quick note today-- I will reply to the Male/Female Friendship posts - I promise!! The debate is wonderful! But for now, I just wanted to link a few good books on marriage that I am using to prepare myself and one book that might be great for the male/female friendship question -- and on marriage too! I promise book reviews once I've read them too!

On Marriage

John Paul II's play called The Jeweler's Shop. Recommended by my parents!

Elizabeth Fox-Genovese's Marriage: The Dream that Refuses to Die. This one I am just finishing up!! Awesome! Keep an eye out for more on this one soon!

Eugene D. Genovese's Miss Betsy: A Memoir of Marriage. This is a memoir of the marriage between Eugene and Elizabeth Genovese written by her husband after her death. What got me hooked on wanting to read this one was this teaser quote "Eugene Genovese confesses that "time does not heal all things," but he also affirms that is was on the day of his "improbable blind date" with Elizabeth Fox that "the Holy Ghost pronounced my sinful soul worth saving.""

And finally -- on the friendship between man and woman (and I am guessing also on marriage) is Dietrich and Alice Von Hildebrand's Man and Woman: Love and the Meaning of Intimacy. Recommended by a friend who read it! I get the feeling this one will help us in our current male/female friendship debates! Lots to look forward to!!

Augustine cont'd

I wanted to add a little note about my love for St. Augustine, which I developed as a graduate student. I took a class on the saint taught by an absolutely wonderful Augustinian priest and scholar who passed away long before his time last year. I know he left me and a dear friend of mine from the program with a deep thirst for more Augustine in the future.

A few things that have stayed with me are the fact that Fr. M said that Augustine believed that our family, extended family, and friends are the souls that God providentially puts in our lives so that we might help them get to heaven. It's an interesting way to look at family who we love (although don't always like). God has chosen them for us, even if we wouldn't choose them ourselves. I wish I had the citation of the work, but it was just a passing comment that stayed with me.

The other thing that I want to post is his famous acclamation of the Lord in Book X of The Confessions.

Late have I loved you, Beauty so ancient and new,

late have I loved you!

Lo, you were within,

but I outside, seeking there for you,

and upon the shapely things you have made I rushed headlong,

I, misshapen.

You were with me, but I was not with you.

They held me back far from you,

those things which would have no being

were they not in you.

You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;

you flared, blazed, banished my blindness

you lavished your fragrance, I gasped, and now I pant for you;

I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst

you touched me, and I burned for your peace.

What a stunning masterpiece of a song of praise to the Lord who seeks each of our hearts with such fervor. Augustine reminds me that my deepest longings to be loved by someone here are already filled beyond measure by the One who seeks me endlessly. Late have I loved you...